My headphones were tragically mangled during last month’s move. Since I don’t like watching porn on mute, my recent masturbation sessions have included scrolling the hornier corners of Twitter and Bluesky for saucy selfies.

Unsurprising to those that know my fap habits, most of the sex workers and social media hedonists I’ve loitered over lately are locked in chastity. Cute caged cocks hidden beneath skirts or gym shorts, pulled aside for a quick snapshot; clips of stomaches hitching while a domme pets someone’s prostate and leaves their caged contents to leak uselessly; frustrated pouts captioned with how many days since someone was last out of their cage…

There’s something achingly erotic about getting off to someone else not getting off. We both have slices of cake but I’m the only one allowed to eat it.

I don’t often get to write about my exploits and interests as a kinkster. That’s mostly because I go where the money flows, and the money generally flows from sex toy reviews. But it’s also because my kinky inclinations are many and varied.

So while I’m interested in all kinds of chastity play, today I want to focus on cock cages.

what is a cock cage?

A cock cage is a chastity device for the penis. Cock cages are designed to prevent full erections and limit how much stimulation a penis can receive. They often partially or fully obstruct the penis from view/touch.

Cock cages come in a variety of shapes, sizes, materials, and functionality. One of the most popular (and erotic) features a cock cage can have is a lock. That’s because chastity is often (but not always) paired with power play. When someone else holds the key to your lock, they can (with your consent) dictate when you’re allowed out – and what you get to do with your penis once you’re free.

how did I get into this kink?

I’ve only ever fucked submissive men (or sub-leaning switches.) Even before I realized I had a preference, I naturally gravitated towards men who were eager to let me take control.

Not only do I prefer to call the shots, I prefer to do the penetrating. (And yes, those things aren’t inherently tied together! Penetration isn’t a fundamentally dominant act, although I personally use it for such.) I’ve never had sex with a man without getting my fingers, tongue, or strap into him.

Cis men are always a little startled at my approach to sex. They’re used to making PIV (penis in vagina) penetration the focus. At this point it’s a kink of mine to show them how great sex can be without it – not just for me, but for them as well. Sometimes especially for them.

As a dominant kinkster, my brain can’t help but take this to the next level. What if we don’t just de-center your dick – what if we take it away entirely? What if you give me permission to tuck it into a stainless steel trap with a lock on it so it doesn’t distract either of us, and I decide when you’re allowed to have an erection again? When you’re allowed to stroke anything but your balls? What if I make you beg, and sometimes still tell you no?

I’ve never dated a partner with a penis for long enough to broach the subject, but being a keyholder is a long time fantasy of mine.

what’s so hot about keyholding?

There are a lot of potential motivations for wearing a cock cage. For some, it’s as I’ve teased: a way to de-center someone’s dick during sex. For others, it’s a sign of submission and devotion, tangible proof they live in service to their dominant/keyholder. Some folks turn to cages as a more intense form of edging and orgasm denial.

Why would I want to be put in charge of someone’s cage key? Because I love being in charge. My motivation for wanting to keep someone locked is the same motivation I feel to gag a partner and tell them to beg anyway. I like to consensually bully people. I like to watch them cycle through desperation, humiliation, and ultimately, surrender. It makes me feel powerful to say no; it makes me feel loved to watch a partner cry in sexual frustration and then acceptance.

The trust, the permission, the intimacy, of someone’s submission… what a gift. What a tasty slice of cake. I’m so lucky to have a gluttonous mind.

why would I want a partner in longterm chastity?

For some, wearing a cock cage is a temporary endeavor. A unique form of bondage and denial that lasts a few hours or days before the cage is returned to the toy bin. But like kinksters who wear a collar on a daily basis, some folks are into chastity for the longhaul.

I’m fascinated (and turned on) by folks who crave that level of submission. Subs who want to fully surrender a part of themselves to their keyholder’s whims. Who crave longterm denial. Subs who appreciate alternative forms of orgasms (like prostate orgasms) or not having orgasms at all. You have to be willing to receive satisfaction in completely new ways, often through service (letting your partner’s pleasure take full precedence) and submission (suffering through the denial and being eager – even proud – to do it.)

To be given that level of trust and submission from someone… to be allowed to completely rewrite what pleasure means for them, to challenge my own sexual and dominant creativity in order to give them an experience – a day to day life – worth discarding their cock for… whew.

what would I do with someone wearing a cock cage?

I’ve cheekily been asked this a few times by curious cis dudes who saw a post or two on one of my social media profiles. I should charge hourly rates.

While what you can’t do in a cock cage goes without saying, conceptualizing what you can do might elude curious bystanders.

First of all, there’s the fact that people with penises have an entire body beyond it. From nipple stimulation to prostate milking to various sensory tortures, there’s endless sensitive skin to exploit with now undivided attention. I’ve always wanted to just finger fuck a caged partner’s mouth, make them hyper-focus on how the pads of my fingers feel rubbing over their teeth, gums, and tongue. How would it feel to be oh-so slowly gagged as I push too deep, too reckless, on purpose? Sure, your cock might be torturously aching in its miserably tight contraption, but have you ever noticed how sensitive your tongue is? If I rub it long enough, will it feel like a replacement for your cock? I might treat it like one.

Secondly, and perhaps more obviously, there’s everything you can do for me. Without an erection (and the expectations and sometimes anxieties attached to what ought to be done with an erection during sex) there is no script holding either of us back.

And I love improv as much as I love cake.

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