Happy Birthday Betty and Mewto Raiding | September Favorites

September was a month! A month partially obscured by the fog of depression, but still a month.

Buster and I have been playing so much Pokemon Go now that I considered giving it its own section in this round-up, but for now it’ll remain a bullet point. I turned 29 in September, and decided I wanted to spend that weekend circling my favorite Pokestop route around a local park since Colette wasn’t playing at any of our theaters and my insomnia has me too exhausted to do anything more substantial.

[Description: Buster (a fat, white nonbinary person) wearing fishnet stockings, a black bodysuit, and a fabric collar. They’re laying on a bed with the blue-dyed hair from their overgrown sideshave sprawled on the blanket.]
We bought some cheap lingerie earlier this year, and Buster spoiled me by putting some on and letting me pump their clit and spit in their mouth before forcing them to orgasm with our Magic Wand Rechargeable. Happy fucking Birthday to me!

Out of the Toy Chest

❤ For my birthday, we picked up several things from SheVibe: Spartacus Broad Nipple Clamps, Tom of Finland Locking Chain Cuffs, Temptasia Clit & Nipple Pump, and some Sliquid Sassy. Later in the month, we grabbed a few more from Peepshow Toys: Naughty Heart Candy Plug, Heart Impact Paddle, XOXO Paddle, and a bonus Tiny Bouchon Plug. Not bad for a $110 total budget.

❤ Holy fuck, I’m pretty sure the Temptasia Clit & Nipple Pump is our new favorite sex toy. It’s been useless for nipples (so far, but we’re still experimenting with it!) but pumping Buster’s clit has been an Experience. The pumping itself is intensely pleasurable, and having the deliciously exploitable combo of easier access and heightened sensitivity in the aftermath… mmm.

❤ Peepshow Toys sent me the Addiction Ben and Sensuelle Baelii for review. Ben is a fun, somewhat squishy dildo that serves as a cheap dupe for a Bad Dragon toy. Folks have some strong feelings about the obvious concept theft, but since this is a financially accessible fantasy toy, I’m biased and thus feel neutral on that front. (Sorry, y’all.) The Baelii is proving to be a very perplexing toy… I’m definitely not a fan of it so far. But that’s why I take my time with reviews.

[Description: A promo photo of a black dildo with prominent, semi-realistic balls and a curved shaft with a series of thick, alien layers/plates. Image from Peepshow Toys.]
❤ September was our first full month with the Traveler and Couples models that Satisfyer sent us. I’m really in love with the Traveler, and used it a lot in September despite earlier protestations that I’m too loud with it; with practice, I’ve gotten less audibly reactive. Go me!

Into the Bedroom

❤ Before the Supreme Harness tore beyond use (read my thrice-rewritten review here), I had Buster lay down with their wrists cuffed to their collar and the Satisfyer Couples situated for hands-free stimulation (since Buster’s one of the lucky few whose body is perfect for that.) With their head hanging off the end of the bed, I forced them to deepthroat the Vixskin Mustang – my favorite dildo for vigorous blowjobs since its soft head and less imposing girth make it a little less jarring – upside-down while I smacked and kneaded their tits. Probably the hottest sex I’ve had this year, because I’m a bully of a dom who loves the sound of gagging.

Continue reading Happy Birthday Betty and Mewto Raiding | September Favorites

Body-Safe Sex Toys for Halloween

Happy Halloween, sex positive pals!

While it’s not quite time to don your (hopefully not racist) costumes, it’s never too early to deck the halls with spiderwebs and motion-sensitive nasties – and it’s never the wrong time to bring Halloween into the bedroom. From monstrous dildos to frightfully fun bondage, there are plenty of tricksy treats for adults to be found… and you don’t even have to leave the house to get them!

Here’s a bunch of body-safe, Halloween-themed sex toys you can buy online 🎃

[Description: A screencap from the Split Peaches shop featuring three dildos of different sizes shaped like unicorn horns. Their tips are white, their middles are orange, and their bases are yellow. Source.]
Split Peaches Unicandy Horns ($43-$120 USD)

Every October, the internet returns to the same debate: is candy corn the most hallowed taste on earth, or is it the devil’s plasticy poison? I’m of the former camp, but I’ve always enjoyed the polarizing hot takes that spin out of Halloween candy discourse. Should I go to jail for a hundred years for the crime of thinking candy corn is often better than chocolate? Half of you reading this certainly think so!

This year I’m pleased to see there’s a way for candy corn aficionados like myself to celebrate our superior taste buds with equally yummy orgasms: the Unicandy Horns from Split Peaches. Made in silicone described as smooth and soft, these controversially delicious looking horns are sure to be almost as fun as the strangely aggressive candycorn memes that crop up on social media this month. And they come in three sizes: Small, Medium, and Large.

[Description: A screencap from Lust Art’s shop featuring dildos modeled after chest bursters from Alien, unicorn horns, and Frankenstein’s monster. Source.]
Lust Arts (Various, $35-$145 USD)

Speaking of unicorn horns, there’s a fantastic indie studio that churns out several Halloween-appropriate dildo designs: Lust Arts. There’s their take on the Unicorn Horn, as well as Frank’s Monster (which I recently reviewed with appropriate levels of swooning), the Mermaid, and the Lust Burster. Whether you’re super spooky or just a little into spoop, their breath-takingly detailed toys are sure to suit your needs for the season and beyond.

Best of all, Lust Arts offers the ability to choose your toy’s size, density, and colors. It’s not a trick, you can really choose your own treat! Especially terrifying is the option to have the Lust Burster colored with blood splatters, as though it went straight from chest-bursting to orifice-pleasing… and isn’t that what Halloween is all about?

Continue reading Body-Safe Sex Toys for Halloween

A Few of My Sex Blogging Superheroes

It’s time to vote for your favorite blogs for your Sex Blogging Superheroes!

Unfamiliar with Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Supero list? In short, it’s a collection of 100 sex bloggers that Kinkly assembles based on votes, social media metrics, and Kinkly’s own assessments. Being on the list provides valuable exposure so blogs can reach a wider audience, and is an easy way to remind your favorite bloggers that you love their work and think they’re super!

I wrote about what the list means to me earlier today, but I wanted to also take the time to highlight a few other bloggers I think should be featured on the list this year (and every year.) Included with each recommendation will be a snippet from a piece they’ve written that I loved.

But before I begin, I wanted to clarify that I have decided to focus this list on fellow trans folks and cis people of color. There are plenty of fantastic bloggers whose perspectives aren’t relevant here, and I’ll be tweeting about them if you’re looking for additional blogs to follow and vote for!

Lupespace – Vote

“I love the shape of a woman. Women are supremely, divinely beautiful. Physically, of course. But women have an innate quality that makes them beautiful. Women are strong, women make waves when they move through the world. Women are makers and breakers. We always bounce back.” Queer

Kelvin Sparks* – Vote

“Let’s get That Conversation out of the way first. Scissoring is a real thing. It is a real way that people with vulvas have sex. Yes, you can genuinely enjoy it. While it’s not for everyone, scissoring is not just a “bad porn thing”, or a joke, and making people who enjoy it feel ashamed helps nobody.” Scissoring 101

*Previously Cyborg Dicks.

Super Smash Cache Vote

“I know what some of you are thinking: “The fuck are you smoking? Getting bashed in the cervix hurts!” Yes, direct bashing into my cervix hurts, but it hardly ever happens for me. Inserted objects slide easily behind my cervix, where the pressure usually doesn’t bother me at all.” Cervical orgasms & stimulation: a BS-free guide

Continue reading A Few of My Sex Blogging Superheroes

Am I a Sex Blogging Superhero…? Plus, Resistbot!

I don’t know exactly when I first discovered sex blogs (sometime in late 2016 or early 2017 probably), but I know how I did. Back when I was more heavily involved in nerd culture and writing about comic books, another comic book blogger shared a piece from DangerousLilly about toxic sex toys. I don’t remember the snippet they quoted, but it resonated with my terrible experiences with jelly toys, so I clicked. And I kept clicking, consuming post after post, devouring information I had never thought to seek out.

I sought out other pillars of the sex toy reviewer community, hungry for more voices, and subsequently ferreted through their blog rolls for even more – but that only got me so far. It wasn’t until I noticed a Sex Blogging Superhero badge on someone’s sidebar that I discovered how big the community was. The Sex Blogging Superheroes list was long, but the sex blog directory itself was even longer. Beyond sex toy reviews, there were kink blogs and sex educators and polyam sites – a huge, branching network of passionate people sharing their knowledge, experiences, and perspectives on a variety of topics I’ve always considered myself invested in but never thought to engage with directly, especially not regularly.

And now, this year, I have the chance to be on that list.

Continue reading Am I a Sex Blogging Superhero…? Plus, Resistbot!

Review: Kix’ies Sam Black Fishnet Thigh High Tights

[Description: A fat white nonbinary person crouching on a hill. They’re wearing a faux leather jacket, boots, and fishnet tights with four thin black bands at the top.]
Fishnets have been a major turn-on for me for the entirety of my post-puberty life. I’ve always associated them with sexual openness, and they’re core to a number of aesthetics that appeal to me. Punk rock babes, emo enbies, goth boys, sluts of all sorts – fishnets can be regal or they can be trashy, but for me they’ll always flag sexual being.

It’s no secret that ‘sexual being’ is an attribute rarely associated with fat people in our culture. We don’t really get to put our sexuality on display because sexy clothing – leather, lingerie, kink gear – isn’t readily available in plus sizes. Oh, you’re fat and want to look hot for a night out? Hope you feel sexually empowered by blouses that could probably double as nurse smocks.

But things are changing. Slowly. Plus size options are getting better (the expensive ones, anyway) and that includes the racier portion of fashion. It’s no longer impossible to find something hot… But it’s still mostly an online guessing game. A retailer might carry your dimensions, but there’s no guarantee it was designed with your body in mind. Things roll and tuck and sag and squeeze and you’re still left feeling like sexuality isn’t something for you.

Soooo here’s the part where I introduce the product I’m reviewing that I think tackles this head-on. You knew it was coming. It’s in the title!

[Description: A cropped picture of a person barefoot in a dress, holding a pair of black high heels and wearing fishnet stockings. There’s a tear in the fishnets behind the person’s knee.]
Back in July, the superheroes behind SheVibe sent me a pair of Kix’ies Sam Black Thigh-High Tights. Kix’ies come in a variety of designs, but my longtime kink for fishnets could not be denied. (Thanks, SheVibe!)

Kix’ies Sam Tights come in a thin cardboard slip-cover. I’ve got mixed feelings about the branding/marketing due to its unnecessary and alienating gendering, but at least it features a picture of an actual person’s legs wearing the stockings (a nice touch considering how often plus size clothes are modeled by thin folks.) More importantly, the back of the packaging has a sizing chart and some brief but body-positive measuring instructions. These are also featured on SheVibe:

[Description: Kix’ies sizing chart as featured on SheVibe. Four potential sizes list their height, weight, and thigh width dimensions.]
Kix’ies come in four sizes to ensure you get the best fit for your body. For plus size folks comfortably within Kix’ies’ range, this is a game changer because we’re so often thwarted by one-size-fits-all tights. The largest size is labeled 35 inches (which is my thigh width) but it has a considerable amount of give, so I think folks outside the advertised range could shimmy into it too.

Continue reading Review: Kix’ies Sam Black Fishnet Thigh High Tights

6 Sex Toys That Could (Probably) Kill Zombies

It’s that time of year again! A brand new season of The Walking Dead is about to unfold, which means I’ll be spending my Sunday nights watching a show that’s only had a handful of good episodes over its shambling 8-season run, desperately hoping for a scrap of queer rep that doesn’t end in a gruesome death or being unsubtly restricted to crowd scene filler. I can’t wait for all the disappointment!

(But seriously, fingers crossed the new showrunner can turn this mess around.)

[Description: A gif of Michonne from TWD talking into a walkie, saying, “I hope everything can change.”]
With new episodes of The Walking Dead to watch (and subsequent episodes of abuser-hosted The Talking Dead to boycott), I’ve been musing over zombie apocalypse strategies. Mostly beheading a couple of zombies and then dabbing to imagined airhorns.

But given my blog’s focus, I think it’s only natural that my apocalypse hypotheticals also heavily focus on fucking while the world burns. Just because your neighbors are all undead brain-eaters doesn’t mean you’re not going to wanna get some. (My neighbors are mostly Trump supporters anyway, so I’m already used to a constant state of anxiety whenever I go outside.) But in the apocalypse, you can’t just lug a backpack of sex toys from one doomed safe zone to the next. The hierarchy of needs becomes stricter when there’s zombies afoot, with medical supplies and food coming before you coming does.

So what about a sex toy with a dual purpose? What about a sex toy you can… kill zombies with?

1.) A Fucking Metal Bar

[Description: A textured metal rod featuring a number of half-loops of metal through which bondage restraints can be tied. The Stockroom.]
The Rebar Spreader Bar from The Stockroom: 18 inches of raw steel imitation for keeping a submissive spread with the cuffs or rope of your choice. Currently $68 USD.

Now this both is and isn’t an obvious choice. It’s already modeled after an action movie favorite for impromptu warehouse murder or death by dramatic fall in a construction site. But bondage in the apocalypse seems like it’s just begging for the same results as that scene in Puppet Master with Tunneler. So I guess just make sure you’re practicing Risk Aware Consensual Kink, where some of the risk to be aware of include possibly being mauled to death by a previously unexpected participant.

[Description: Morgan from TWD expertly taking out two assailants with his staff. Source.]
The Rebar Spreader Bar has serious potential for cracking zombie skull, but I think you could also get fancier with it à la Morgan Jones. But don’t The Art of Peace that shit, okay? This is an apocalypse. We’re all out here killing zombies and each other. It’s dog eat dog. Especially if the first dog is a zombie.

2.) A Huge-Ass Wand

[Description: A wand vibrator with a somewhat oval head and metallic handle. It has three buttons and a cord. RGN Toys.]
The Doxy Die Cast from RGN Toys: nearly two pounds of corded crotch-shuddering power in a titanium and aluminum package. Currently $210 USD.

Listen, there’s no reason you should have to sacrifice screaming orgasms to survive the zombie apocalypse. It’s the zombie apocalypse, we’re screaming all the time now. If all the hollering attracts a horde, then at least you can die just like you lived: stressed out and masturbating.

Continue reading 6 Sex Toys That Could (Probably) Kill Zombies

How I Use Habitica for (Sex) Blogging

[Description: A minimalistic website logo of a purple griffin posed beside matching lowercase text that spells Habitica.]
Habitica is a task management/encouragement site where users can keep track of habits and tasks, earn gold by completing them (or lose HP for not getting them done), and use that gold to dress adorable pixel avatars in medieval garb. It’s an RPG-themed to-do list app, and I absolutely love it.

[Description: A pixel avatar of a witch with an axe and a smiling pumpkin.]
When I gave the app permission to share my latest milestone – reaching level 25 – on Twitter, I got a few curious responses. But honestly, who wouldn’t be intrigued by cute sword-wielding pixels paired with task management? I thought it might be fun to talk about how I utilize the service (which is free!) as a blogger to keep me organized and motivated.

I won’t be covering the use of the inventory, quest, or other gaming portions of Habitica. For that information, I highly recommend the Habitica Wiki.

Please note that while I use curse words throughout this guide (as per my style), Habitica is an all-ages environment (except in private Guilds.) I keep my sexy potty mouth here on the blog, and if you join, so should you (unless you make a private Guild for, like, idk, cussin’ and sextin’.)

What the fuck am I doing, like ever

Buster works a traditional work week (Monday through Friday) so I’m left to struggle with executive function on my own on weekdays. This can make daily tasks like showering and fixing lunch pretty difficult, because I either forget I need to do it or I have trouble getting myself to initiate it. Having an established to-do list of everyday tasks helps, because even if I don’t always get to them in a timely manner, I have something that reminds me those needs even exist.

Does it always work for me? No. Executive dysfunction is a bastard. But on days where functioning is possible with some additional gentle guidance, Habitica is a great ally.

But, we’re here to talk about blogging. Mostly.

[Description: A screencap of Habitica. The top of the page features bettybutch’s avatar and HP and EXP bars. There are three lists of tasks that can be clicked off upon completion.]
Habitica has become core to my recent push to get my blogging organized. There are things I’m striving to do every day to reach my goals, as well as routines I’m trying to cultivate to make blog upkeep and growth both easier and more natural.

Finishing this review, updating that spreadsheet, answering emails from last week (er, month), editing in affiliate links – there’s so much to be done, it can get overwhelming, especially with the fried egg I have for a brain. Breaking blogging down to a set of clickable to-dos took some puzzling, and I’m definitely still tweaking my system, but I figured why not share what’s worked out for me so far to illustrate Habitica’s capabilities.

Continue reading How I Use Habitica for (Sex) Blogging

Review: Vac-U-Lock Platinum Edition Supreme Harness by Doc Johnson

This review has gone through a few iterations. My original assessment of the Supreme Harness was meh but overall positive-leaning. For two months, it served me adequately through frequent use… but alas, our partnership was doomed to fall apart. Literally.

[Description: A double leg strap style strap-on harness in black neoprene sprawled on a dark gray background.]
Allow me to introduce you to the Vac-U-Lock Platinum Edition Supreme Harness from Doc Johnson, sent to me by SheVibe at my request. (Thanks, SheVibe!) Because it can fit up to a 70-inch waist, I knew I’d have no trouble fitting my generously-sized fat bod within its handsome black straps.

At first glance, the Supreme Harness is pretty standard: two leg straps and a triangular bumper in the front where you can secure your dildo. But the Supreme Harness is unique in that it offers you two different methods to fasten your dildo: a Vac-U-Lock (which we’ll discuss in a moment) plug, or one of three differently sized o-rings. This means your dildo options are nearly limitless! As long as it has either a harness-compatible base (flared or suction-cupped) or a Vac-U-Lock hole, it’ll suit this strap-on harness.

And I definitely appreciate versatility in the bedroom. *finger guns*

[Description: The harness laying flat with an assortment of dildos scattered across it. Going circular starting with the teal dildo on the left: Temptasia Reina, Vixskin Mustang, Avant True Blue, Avant Purple Rain, Real Nude Ergo, (discontinued), Basic Curve Glass, Tantus Vamp, Avant Pride Beauty.]
The Supreme Harness is made of soft, flexible neoprene, but its straps are made of the same densely woven nylon-y material as the kind of straps you’d find on a backpack. The waist and thigh sizing is adjusted via tightening or loosening the straps with sturdy plastic buckles. The harness’s triangular front is seven inches wide, and features a velcro pocket for the Vac-U-Lock plug, and four slots through which the straps fit to fasten the dildo of your choice. (There is no pocket officially designated for bullet vibes.) Each strap ends in with a metal snap to keep the interchangeable silicone rings secure in use.

Continue reading Review: Vac-U-Lock Platinum Edition Supreme Harness by Doc Johnson

A Few Babysteps at Fairvilla (Shop With Ducky DooLittle)

Until last week, I hadn’t set foot in a brick and mortar sex toy shop in at least nine years. My early experiences with Patricia’s in Wichita were uncomfortable and alienating, and my recent reinvestment in Buster and I’s sex life took roots with online retailers. And I’m an incredibly anxious person (thanks, autism!) so I don’t often go into actual stores anyway.

But when I noticed Ducky DooLittle was going to be hosting an evening of classes at a local Fairvilla’s (aptly named “Shop With Ducky DooLittle”), I knew I had to go. Woodhull and Sex Down South weren’t feasible for me this year, so I missed out on experiencing a tangible collide between my online work and my offline self. This was a good way to take a baby step in that direction, but also get to meet one of my absolute favorite educators and advocates.

[Description: A large business sign beside a road reading, “Fairvilla Megastore, Welcome Ducky DooLittle.” The sky is tinged with the start of sunset.]
Farvilla was definitely not what I was expecting. It has an almost flea market vibe to its expansive two stories, with hardwood stairs and flooring that creaks with a pirate ship’s enthusiasm. There’s rack after rack of costumes, and toys are on display along the walls upstairs. I was sad to see some toys made of toxic materials (it’s 2018 y’all) and some headdresses among the costumes (seriously, it’s 2018 y’all) but overall the stock looked great! There was plenty of space to wander around, and with the additive of wine – which was provided for class participants, though I didn’t indulge – the atmosphere was incredibly relaxed. Employees were present but not pushy, letting folks explore on our own terms but also making us aware they could help us if we needed guidance of some kind.

I was freaking out, of course. But it wasn’t the store’s fault.

[Description: The curtained entrance into a sales floor. There are costumes hanging on racks and a table lined with boots.]
Buster and I wandered around before Ducky’s first class while I pointedly pretended not to notice her so I could put off going to say hi. Fairvilla has plenty of tester toys out for fiddling, so I started poking around a shelf of We-Vibe stuff. We-Vibe’s toys are too expensive for me to afford and too well-reviewed to bother asking an affiliate to part with one, so it was nice to actually hold a few models in my hand for future reference.

Hilariously, I couldn’t figure out how the fuck to turn the We-Vibe Nova off. While it rattled away undeterred, I frantically skimmed reviews on my phone in search of instructions after the box proved unhelpful. In hindsight, I doubt anyone noticed or cared I had the Nova running for more than a cursory minute, but at the time it was The Worst and Most Embarrassing Thing Ever.

Continue reading A Few Babysteps at Fairvilla (Shop With Ducky DooLittle)

Review: Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator by Blush Novelties

When I first started perusing sex toy reviews in search of toys to build my own body-safe collection, three toys stood out as most bloggers’ must-haves: the nJoy Pure Wand, the Magic Wand, and the We-Vibe Tango. The Tango in particular came up again and again, renowned for its rumbles and serving as the standard against which all other small vibrators were judged in the blogsphere. In the end (and on a limited budget that could only indulge one such luxury staple), my partner and I decided that out of these blogger cornerstones we wanted the wand the most. The Tango has remained financially out of reach in the months since.

The Tango’s $80 USD pricetag is, perhaps, not inaccessible to everyone. But it’s a number that gives most people pause. You can read reviews of the Tango on a dozen blogs and find that it more than earns its asking price in power, but for those on a limited budget or who are looking to expand their collection, it’s a lot to invest for a toy with just one purpose. Even if you’re specifically looking for a small bullet for your toy box.

[Description: A lipstick vibe laying on a small, open-faced package with EXPOSED written across it. The box is sitting on a sparkly black background scattered with crystalline beads.]
So when the Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Vibrator surfaced at less than half the price of the Tango (just $32 USD), I was over the moon. If it delivered on its promises, it could become the financially accessible answer to the Tango.

Peepshow Toys kindly included the Exposed Nocturnal to pair with my Temptasia Harness Briefs review (as it has two pockets to accommodate bullet vibes.) Thank you, Peepshow Toys!

The Exposed Nocturnal is relatively large for a bullet vibe: four inches long and about an inch wide. It’s made of ABS plastic which is body-safe (non-toxic and non-porous), which makes this a hard and sleek little vibrator. It’s rechargeable, waterproof, and has two buttons with which you can click back and forth through its ten available functions. And it comes in four colors: pink, other pink, other other pink, and purple.

And yeah, I’m gonna be salty about the colors. I’m not a fan of the pink/purple thing, even though I understand the sex toy industry leans into those colors in part because they sell well. But I was surprised to see this from Blush. Their colors are frequently very unique – hell, the Temptasia line they released adjacent to the Nocturnal has red and teal dildos. Those aren’t colors you see often enough on sex shop shelves. So three pinks and a purple? Blush, you wound me.

I do like that the Nocturnal has some sparkle to it – and it’s not the kind of glitter that scratches off, it’s embedded into the smooth plastic itself. That means no chipping or flaking onto your genitals in the future! I speak from experience when I say that stuff sucks.

[Description: The Nocturnal laying on a sparkly black background. The light is gleaming harshly off the Nocturnal’s subtly glittery plastic.]
The Exposed Nocturnal has five steady power levels and five vibration patterns. Despite this nicely numbered range, the Nocturnal doesn’t have any gentle settings that can be used for warming up or by folks with timid genitals. The very first setting is intense – strong enough that the vibe will start actively spinning in your hand like it’s eager to make its way to your bits – and it only gets stronger from there.

Continue reading Review: Exposed Nocturnal Lipstick Bullet Vibrator by Blush Novelties