I’m under a bit of stress right now! I’ve just gotten through a month of babysitting, I’m preparing for Sex Down South, and a hurricane is/was headed my way (the forecast models keep changing.) Oh, and I’m refurbishing my website.

Masturbation has been my go-to method of self-care, which shouldn’t be a surprise given my profession… but since my sex drive is low (especially in the summer), it actually is a surprise. I don’t often masturbate outside of toy testing, which requires too much of my analytical brain to be “on” to count as relaxation.

So, what’s been my go-to in recent self-diddling dalliances?

Zalo Hero

Technically, I should be testing this for review. But the Hero’s unique lapping stimulation – a broader, softer, and much milder take on the Zumio’s oscillating – makes my judgment hazy. Who the hell can concentrate long enough to take notes when the Hero’s pebbled tip is strumming their clit like a fucking guitar? I certainly can’t. And you can’t make me.

(Actually, maybe somebody should. I take long enough to post reviews as it is.)

You can get the Zalo Hero in jewel green on SheVibe

Satisfyer Pro 2 Vibration

I love Satisfyer’s air pulsation toys. The Traveler has been my best friend for like a year. But there’s something about the Pro 2 Vibration that makes me reach for it over its more compact (and non-vibrating) counterpart. Is it the easy to hold handle? Is it the more refined pulsations? Is it how comfortably its head tucks between my labia even better than a clit-nuzzling penguin, minus the bowtie? I’m not sure, which is why I haven’t been able to write a review yet! #Professional

You can find the Pro 2 Vibration on SheVibe or Peepshow Toys 

Rianne S Xena Rabbit Vibrator, $60

I bought a Zumio from a friend, and they sent this as a bonus – thus giving me two toys that occupy my current top 10. Xena’s vibrations are deliciously rumbly, and thumpy in a way I can’t quite put my finger on. I only use the Xena externally, but its clitoral arm isn’t entirely useless for my purposes. Because I have a fat pubic mound, I’m able to tuck the clitoral arm over it to hold the shaft in place over my clit – turning the Xena into a hands-free vibe!

Snag the Xena on Amazon 

Filthy Figments

I love that the comics medium allows me to consume porn at my own pace; I don’t have to click back or pause something if I’m enjoying a specific visual.

And Filthy Figments is overflowing with artists who know how to nail pause-worthy visuals. In particular, I’ve been circling back to a few favorites: Long Haul by Jen Hickman, Drawn to Her by Gina Biggs, and No Questions by Niki Smith.

You can subscribe to Filthy Figments here 

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