The Pleasure Garden is a UK-based sex toy shop that values trans and disabled customers, and stocks their bondage section with a bunch of gorgeous, affordable gear… so gorgeous and affordable, in fact, that I bought a few things for myself, including the focus of today’s review: the Bound to Please Bamboo Paddle.

Despite having to travel across the Atlantic ocean and make its way through whatever fucktangle serves as customs here in the US, my Pleasure Garden order – discreetly packaged and labeled “novelty goods” – was delivered to my door in less than two weeks.

In the months since, my partner and I have put the Bamboo Paddle through its paces in preparation for this review. It’s been a cracking good time!

bound to please bamboo paddle design 

The Bound to Please Bamboo Paddle is £13 (about $16 USD.) It’s 10 inches long and made of solid wood with a sleek finish that seems fairly moisture-resistant (water and lube both bead and roll off its surface.) The coloration and grain are lovely, and exactly why I love bamboo-made products.

As I noted in my unboxing video, this paddle is surprisingly thin, and its light weight makes it easy to swing. Its handle is well-suited to my larger hand: I can comfortably wrap my fist around its thin heft, framed by the paddle’s taper and its heart-shaped handle tip. If your hands are significantly smaller or larger, you might not find it as comfortable to grip, given that it’s just a flat piece of wood. Its fabric loop (likely intended for storage/display) can wrap around one’s wrist for extra security.

bamboo paddle impact and marks 

So, what does the Bound to Please Bamboo Paddle feel like? It fuckin’ smarts.

Even light warm-up swats with the Bamboo Paddle are stingy and flush-inducing on pale skin. This means that not only is the Bamboo Paddle an adequately mean step up from bare handed spanking, it’s an attractive option for folks without a lot of heft behind their swing. (And it’s not ideal for the heavy handed among us – but I’ll talk about that in a minute.) Light and moderate swings sting hot and fade in minutes, like rubberband snaps with a broader impact.

Firmer hits produce a sharp wollop of pain that blooms outward, leaving skin hot and throbbing – but even the hardest smacks don’t really resonate past the surface because of how thin the paddle is. The delicious ache of impact diminishes in ten minutes or so, and we were lucky if a few finger-width stripes of ruddied skin with pinpricks of bruising lingered on their ass the day after. (This, obviously, will vary depending on your skin and how sensitive you are to bruising.)

While this disappointed my partner and I on days where we wanted our session to stick around long after it was over, it did make the Bamboo Paddle a favorite for impact play when Buster had either a long day at the office or a dip in the pool planned. No pain to manage, few bruises to hide! It also worked well for longer scenes, because while it stings like a sonofabitch, the pain peters out relatively quickly; this allowed us to hover short of Buster’s pain threshhold (which we never really reached) and drag things out.

you get what you pay for (and tips for use)

Now, the Bound to Please Bamboo Paddle is priced to be affordable, and it shows in its construction. It’s lovely but nothing fancy, and it’s significantly thinner than most wooden paddles you might see hanging at your local dungeon or kink convention. And that’s okay! At $16, I didn’t expect a hardy hunk of wood that will last me through the apocalypse.

But it only took me a few uses to snap this baby straight down the middle:

@thepgshop Almost done with my first review! I *was* done, but then… we'll call this "new data"! 😅

(To be clear this is a user fault and not a product one haha) pic.twitter.com/uAcx0mhcsr

— Betty Butch 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 (@betty_butch) October 7, 2019

In the Bamboo Paddle’s defense, I was purposefully testing its limits for this review, and using it in an awkward position. (Buster was laying flat on their belly and I was sitting diagonal to them, striking their ass from the side at an angle.) The sheer force and tilted impact of my smacks put too much pressure on the wood, and it unceremoniously cracked in half like a book being opened.

This makes sense. The Bamboo Paddle is long but almost brittle-y thin. If you’re swinging too hard and your strikes aren’t hitting flat (and thus evenly distributing the force), the pressure is going to strain the wood – especially its weak points – and the paddle’s not thick enough to withstand it where the fibers are fused. So learn from my mistake: if you want to make the most of this budget-friendly smackaroo, soften your blows (it’ll sting regardless!), and mind your aim.

And there is another downside to its affordable build: the finish. I like humiliating my bottom by making them hold toys in their mouth until I need them, which is how I discovered that the finish is soft enough to immediately get teeth indents. It also tastes like air freshener! So if your partner(s) are especially bitey, tell them to unclench their jaw or they’ll ruin the top coat and need further punishing. Or don’t tell them!

final thoughts on the bound to please bamboo paddle

I am really bummed I broke it, but I still recommend the Bamboo Paddle to folks who want something that’s low cost and low effort… assuming that you’re not going to be as simultaneously forceful and careless as me. The Bamboo Paddle is an intensely stingy but ultimately middling impact experience, a level up from spanking by hand. It’s light, easy to handle despite its length, and slim enough to hang or tuck in smaller storage places, which makes it a convenient addition to someone’s toy gear. Just don’t expect a deep and thuddy impact (or much bruising), because the Bamboo Paddle literally can’t hack it. At least not for us!

You can find the Bound to Please Bamboo Paddle on The Pleasure Garden for $16 USD / £13.

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I purchased the Bamboo Paddle with my own money, but affiliate links were used in this post.