It happens to every sexually active couple or polycule. Life finds a way to get in the way, and suddenly it’s been weeks, months, or even longer since the last time you had sex. Cobwebs gather on your glass dildos. A tumbleweed makes its way across your sheets.

Relationship intimacy comes in many forms, and plenty of people are happy and satisfied without sex. But if the absence of sex is something that’s bothering you, there are countless ways to reignite that spark. One such method? Slipping into something a little more comfortable…

Have you ever heard the phrase “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? I’d take the expression a step further and say: consider dressing for the sex you want to have. Ditch the “house clothes” and don the fishnet stockings!

Lingerie can inspire sexual musings and fantasies.

Whether you’re modeling lingerie in the mirror or browsing for new pieces online, it’s likely that your mind is going to stray to what you can do – or what you’ve already done – while wearing it.

That lacy teddy you wore last year around Christmas, when you used a vibrating butt plug for the first time? It’s impossible not to reminisce about how your partner’s fingers scuffed against the lace as they clutched you… That pleather bodysuit you saw on Lovehoney? It’s so easy to imagine wearing it while giving your partner a hard time, ordering them to use a fleshlight masturbator while you watch… teasing them about how badly they want to be inside you instead…

This silk-and-satin themed daydreaming doesn’t have to be a solo venture either. Lingerie is a great ice breaker! Inviting a partner to watch you try on well-loved corsets and chemises will have both of you recalling prior rolls in the sheets – and planning new ones. Snuggling up and scrolling digital shelves for new lingerie and costumes provides an opportunity to exchange ideas for future trysts. Discussing what kind of outfits turns each of you on (and why!) allows you and your partner(s) the opportunity to share fantasies and exchange compliments. Did you know they’d love to see you in something backless, because they love kissing your shoulder blades? Do they know you like keeping those thigh highs on the whole time?

Lingerie is an investment in your sex life.

We invest time, energy, and money into the things we value. If it’s been awhile and you want to get back into playing guitar, you might start by setting aside Wednesday nights for practice and buying some lessons or a new set of strings. Doing these things can help anchor you to your goal of playing more often. Why should sex be any different?

If you’ve felt disconnected from your sex life lately, ask yourself: are there things that are taking up the time and energy I need for sex? What can I do about it? Maybe you need to budget and plan for a sitter once a week, or maybe you need to turn off the tv before your whole Thursday night is spent binging Interview with the Vampire or Our Flag Means Death. Maybe sex on weekdays simply isn’t feasible because you’re so tired, so it’s time to try Saturdays instead. Talk to your partner about scheduling some no-expectation “us” time – maybe you’ll have sex, or maybe you’ll just cuddle and talk. Either way you’ll be enjoying intimate quality time.

Granted, just like buying new strings for your guitar, dressing for the occasion can make you feel more invested in actually making sex happen. You’ve already come this far, right? Might as well let that cute corset work!

Lingerie can help you reconnect with your body.

When friends and readers tell me they’re struggling with not feeling at home in their body, one of my suggestions is to be naked more often. As in, at home, doing casual things, in the nude! One of the reasons we might feel startled by, or disconnected from, our own figure is that we’re just not used to seeing it. That makes it harder to trust letting anyone else see it either. Time spent naked and reading, or hanging out with a partner and watching a movie, can help normalize the skin you’re in. Bodies are just bodies!

That being said, not everybody’s ready or willing to go full Garden of Eden. And that’s okay! Dressing down in something comfortable and perhaps a bit revealing can be a big step in the right direction. Skimpy pajamas and lingerie can be both a buffer and your armor.

But wearing lingerie isn’t just a chance to reconnect with your body – it’s a chance to indulge your sensual self. Lingerie doesn’t have to be sexual (some folks just like the aesthetic!), but if wearing it makes you feel sexy, slutty, desirable, etc, then it’s a great tool to bring you into a spicier headspace. In the same way that wearing a strap-on harness under some joggers makes me feel sexually grounded (because I’m ready to go if the mood arises), lingerie can tap into your sexual being and have you literally strutting your stuff.

Lingerie signals to your partner(s) that you’re feeling sensual.

Something that can hold us back from diving into bed is not knowing how to ask. If it’s been awhile and you’re out of practice communicating your desires, it can be incredibly intimidating to start. Sometimes we need a little help.

One way to help turn your partner’s attention – and the conversation – towards the sensual? Showing up to talk in something overtly sexy. Leather, lace, and all things silky and satin speak volumes all on their own. Not only will getting dolled up put you in the right headspace, it will make your intentions pretty clear. Even better? Toss your partner a pair of panties to match yours. Now the playing field is even.

If you want to soften your approach, you can also ask a partner to help you into your outfit (big fan of the “can you zip this up for me?” to “mmm, can you unzip me?” pipeline), or ask them to pick something for you. Similarly, if you’re looking to expand your erotic wardrobe, asking them to help you choose between a few options is a great way to let them know you’re in the mood to wear lingerie – and they should expect you to be getting you out of lingerie, soon.

Just remember that lulls in your sex life are perfectly normal – and it’s okay if an outfit on its own doesn’t do the trick! Rebuilding a satisfying sex routine takes time, trust, and mutual effort. The fishnet stockings just add to the fun.

This post is sponsored, but my writing and opinions are my own. Affiliate links were used in this post. If you would like to inquire about paid posts, please see my work with me page.