Though it’s December, the weather outside is not so frightful here in Florida. Our winter wonderland is all palm trees and crisp mornings, without a flake of snow seen in over forty years. And while I don’t miss the frozen hellscape of Kansas, I do miss peeking through the curtains to watch fresh snow freckling against the glass. There’s something charming and romantic about snowy winters, with cozy evenings spent burning cookies and cuddling beneath worn quilts.

But this year I’ve had more than 7/11 hot chocolate and getting sick approximately eight hundred times to help make the holiday season a little more festive!

The Splendid Dual Density Dildo – provided by local studio Uberrime – is a silicone slice of wintery wonder all on its own. One of Uberrime’s most widely beloved dildos, the Splendid is 1.6 inches wide (with a 1.67-inch head) and 6 inches long (with 5.5 inches being insertable) and comes in three color variations when purchased through Peepshow Toys. (There is also a limited edition Splendid in sea green in celebration of Epiphora.) My Splendid is the sapphire blue and pearl white version.

Dual density dildos are among the most prized – and expensive – due to the unique sensation that the double layering provides. Typically, the core density is firmer to give the dildo some stability, while the outer layer is a much softer blend. (This can be reversed, making for a flexible but highly textured dildo.) Dual density dildos are generally more expensive because of the added difficulty in pouring the silicone.

And yet, the Splendid is just $72 USD.

i’m mister 0050-20 shore

The Splendid is a tad firmer than the other dual density toys we own. It’s not a hard dildo – the layer of squeezable silicone on its surface softens its impact considerably – but it’s sturdier than I expected. It can be bent in half by hand, but it retains its shape in use, which is great news for folks who like their g/p-spot stimulation nice and steady – this thing’s not going to fold on you!

The Splendid’s surface has a matte finish, and isn’t tacky the way that most softer silicone densities are. (A plus for folks who find themselves squicked by sticky-surfaced silicone dildos.) But like most silicone I’ve touched, it has some drag. This, combined with its veiny texturing – which we’ll talk about next – means the Splendid is best enjoyed with everybody’s best friend, lube!

(Just make sure your lube is not silicone-based. While silicone toys can be stored together without issue, exposure to some silicone-based lubricants can cause damage to the surface of your toy. Water-based is great!)

friends call me dick miser

First, a confession: I don’t like veins on dildos. The only time I find realism or semi-realism appealing of its own volition is when it’s paired with fantasy elements. So I wrinkled my nose at Splendid’s bulging veining – not because I thought it was a bad design choice, but because I like my silicone dicks mostly un-dick-like. Personal preference!

But the pronounced ridging on the Splendid Dual Density’s shaft is more than just some visual spice. Its branching lines are beefed up to provide additional texture, and are focused on the topside of the dildo where most people prefer extra stimulation from insertables. (Buster is the opposite, funnily enough.) They’re also strangely beautiful in the white sparkle-crested silicone of my variant – like snow drifts or raised patterns in pale sand – so it’s difficult to associate them with realism when I actually have the Splendid in hand.

turns to g-spot o’s in my clutch

Uberrime’s Splendid Dual-Density Dildo is, well, splendid. Its attributes are textbook: firm (not hard) g/p-spot stimulation via a good curve and a comfortably soft head, a thick base that makes a sturdy handhold, and just a tad extra girth than the average penis. Buster didn’t notice the veins in use, but other reviewers have said they added a pleasingly textured roil to thrusts – so your mileage may vary (as with any preference or experience.) You know your body’s sensitivities best!

The base – in addition to being easy to hold – creates suction as soon as it’s set on a flat surface. Its seal is startlingly strong and holds up against a myriad of tugs and tilting, so if your dildos need to come riding-ready, you’re in luck. (I don’t have normal walls to adequately test suction cups, but the Splendid can actually stick to my terrible 30 year old wallpaper – an impossible feat for every other dildo in my possession.)

Like the Sola Cue, the Splendid has an intuitive curve that suits Buster’s body perfectly. (“And the curve isn’t too severe for me, you know how much I hate curved toys sometimes,” they pointed out as we discussed this review.) And though Buster is generally very meh about g-spot stimulation, there’s no denying that the Splendid was made for it, and thus Buster’s preferred use of the Splendid Dual Density is fast, shallow thrusts at an upward angle to work their urethral sponge. Buster also likes a bit of cervix bumping, which the Splendid does well because of its soft-but-not-squishy head. But its average length and gentle curve means it’s not likely to hit your cervix unless you’re targeting it on purpose.

The head is bigger than the shaft, but unlike many dildos in the same aesthetic range, the size difference isn’t to mushroom scale. This means that while the fatter head adds a nice little pop to thrusts, it’s not so large as to make the Splendid harder to insert. Like the entirety of the Splendid’s design, it’s a nice touch that doesn’t go too far.

he’s mister white christmas

The Splendid is arguably the best harness dildo I’ve reviewed. Its base is large, flat, and chunkier than most, which makes it sit comfortably and securely in a harness. The veining helps dissuade any ring jostling or sliding down. Its firm core has it standing pertly – ready to be swallowed in one way or another – while retaining its g/p-spotting curve. And said curve, along with its hooked head, helps keep it inside one’s partner during vigorous use.

But more than that… it just feels nice to wear. It’s weighty and handsome, which is a description I aspire to match. The colors are so spectacularly vibrant that it feels like a joyous addition rather to a harness rather than a means to an end, a decoration genuinely suited for the celebration of sexual connection. (Y’know, fuckin’!) We usually prefer softer dildos for strap-on play (and in general) but there’s no denying that when wearing the Splendid, I feel like the Gentleman.

…too much?

Look, I could blame timing for my association of the Splendid with the season of snow-capped hills and punk rock covers of holiday classics, but the truth is, Uberrime mailed it to me all the way back in September! (Oh god, I have been so far behind this quarter.) This is a festive dick, and none of you can convince me otherwise.

The black-swirled blue of its head is like the color you imagine for water deep beneath a cap of ice, too dense to see through but faintly magical. Peepshow Toys offers two other colors – a peachy, fleshy sort of pink, and a pale purple that wouldn’t be amiss on a unicorn – but all three variations are marbled with white. Some have a more gradient approach to the melding of color, but I like the newer models with a harsh transition to the blazing white. It’s bold! In several places on my Splendid, you can see the murky linger of blue beneath the white where the colors mingled, like a sparkly bruise. I love it.

The underside of the base tells the story of the colors’ mixing, a swirl of white and blue. There are even visible bubbles, but none close enough to the surface to be a concern for future cleaning. The surface is all smooth.

The Splendid Dual Density is a very, very pretty dildo. The colors are so rich, and shape is so well accentuated by the veining, that I wish I had room to display it somewhere. It’s too handsome to have tossed in a drawer in my closet.

i never want to know a day that’s g-spot free 

The holidays are coming up, or perhaps have just recently passed, depending on what you celebrate (if at all.) If you are the gift-giving sort – especially to yourself – and you’re in need of a strap-on staple in your roster, there’s no dildo I’ve reviewed this year that I’d recommend more highly for that purpose. (Assuming, of course, that its sizing and firmness is appropriate for your needs.) My harness gave up the ghost not long after Uberrime sent me the Splendid, and I haven’t stopped lamenting the loss.

Similarly, if you’re on the prowl for firm-ish but flexible g/p-spot stimulation without all the bells and whistles of a vibrator, the Splendid is a great choice. I would especially suggest it to folks who want something a little more from a dildo – the Splendid Dual Density is elevated from plainer peers by its curve, texturing, and gorgeous coloring, but Uberrime didn’t take its enhancements too far and spoil the cleverness.

But if you’re interested in the Splendid because you’re used to the plush, squishy feel of other dual density dildos on the market, I’d caution you to stick to the paths you’ve already ventured. The Splendid isn’t hard – if you want to defend yourself from chimney intruders this year, you should stick to Tantus’s standard formula – but it’s firmer than our Nude Ergo or Vixskin Mustang. If Buster had their way, the Splendid would be a bit softer, sacrificing its effectiveness as a g-spotter for the sake of clenchable squish. But I’m pretty sure there would be a riot of outraged g-spot fans, because the Splendid is one of the best g-spotters you can buy.

And that’s pretty… cool.

Get your own slice of winter with the Sapphire/Pearl Splendid Dual Density Silicone Dildo, available on Peepshow Toys for $72 USD at the time of this writing.

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Thank you, Uberrime, for providing the Splendid in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links were used in this post.

And in the interest of complete disclosure: I consider Uberrime’s sole artist Marco a friend. This has not influenced my opinions, except perhaps to give me further appreciation for the artistry of silicone.