Lengthy, unexplained hiatuses are pretty common on this blog. As a disabled person who always seems to be going through some kind of shit, I often disappear for months at a time with only a vague tweet or two to mark the absence.

But in the 7 years I’ve been writing about sex toys, 2024 is the first time I’ve gone an entire year without posting a single review.

There were a number of reasons. The first, honestly, is that this blog stopped making any money. I never consistently made a living wage, but during the pandemic’s early years I was making a few hundred bucks a month. By 2023, Google’s AI-doused enshittification had eroded my traffic. Several of my affiliate shops had either transitioned to new affiliate platforms that weren’t as effective at tracking referrals, or closed their affiliate programs completely. This year there hasn’t been a single month where I’ve made enough from affiliate sales to pay for my site hosting and other blogging fees. It sapped my already wavering motivation.

(That being said, don’t worry – this blog is here to stay. I just need to do some soul-searching on how best to share educated insights on sex toys while also honoring the value of my own time and sanity. And maybe figure out how to better deliver those insights – cus 2700 words on a subpar vibrator wasn’t workin’ for me or you, if we’re both being honest here.)

More prominently, though, was a loved one’s stage 4 lung cancer. As a minor, my partner was a caregiver or provided end of life care for every parent/guardian they’ve ever had (mother, the grandparents who raised them, the aunt who took them in as a teen.) This year they had to take on that role again for their brother, and I had to do it for the first time. There were months of suffering that I’m not comfortable publicly ruminating on yet. But it was brutal, even for an already notoriously brutal cancer diagnosis. The screaming only stopped the day he was finally able to die.

Less prominent yet still distracting was how bad my gender dysphoria’s been in recent years. I officially decided to transition in late 2020, but couldn’t financially afford it. By the time I could (with sacrifices), Florida had enacted SB254. Most healthcare facilities stopped providing care for newly transitioning patients; those who kept going were booked out for months, years. My only option became a costlier one: Folx, a telehealth clinic that eventually circumvented Florida’s anti-trans laws by partnering with doctors on the ground. But there was no way I could pay a monthly $40 membership fee on top of other costs. So I waited. And the waiting became more and more painful, even as PCOS did miracles.

The rare times I had extra energy this year, I didn’t want to spend it writing. The rare times I had sex, I didn’t want to slow it down with toy testing. So the blog’s gone untouched. But I’ve still been working.

A few months ago, Uberrime hired me.

For those of you who haven’t seen on social media, I’m now the social media and affiliate manager for Uberrime Handmade Dildos. (With more than a smidge of website admin thrown in.)

I met Uberrime’s founder Marco just a few months after launching this blog, back when Uberrime was a one man side gig for an eccentric chef who was dreaming of escaping the sarlacc pit of restaurateuring. We hit it off immediately. Over the years, we became family – and I got to watch his company grow. It was an exhausting, expensive, seemingly endless grind for him to balance both careers – but he was able to crawl out of that goddamn pit alive. And then he kept going up. He grew Uberrime into his sole focus, with a small team and a new studio to meet demand.

It’s been my genuine honor to work with Uberrime over the years, doing paid consulting, throwing in my two cents on the occasional design, and even working at the Uberrime booth at Sex Down South. It’s always been a private dream of mine to work for Uberrime, to put a little more of my soul into a company I believe in both personally and professionally. And now I do.

Consequently, I’ve been able to start transitioning. (Folx is worth every penny.) I’ve been able to start paying down credit card debt my partner and I built up while J’s care was the only thing on my partner and I’s minds. I have somewhere steady and financially fruitful to funnel my passion for this industry.

My job is a lot harder than it sounds, and I have a lot of learning to do. (Oh, the mistakes I have already made..) My personal life – my whole fucking being, honestly – is still healing. But for the first time in a very, very long time, I can feel my own potential. I’m excited to grow.

Happy New Years.

(PS: If you’re a reviewer, influencer, educator, sex worker, etc, please consider signing up for the Uberrime affiliate program! I would love to collaborate with you.)