The first thing I thought of when I saw this little vibe was Alice in Wonderland (specifically, the 1951 animated movie.) Remember the scene where Alice is bullied by a number of swaying, sentient plants?

This Mushroom Massager from Cloud 9 Novelties won’t serenely/menacingly serenade you, but it does have 9 vibration settings. It comes in purple (as pictured) or teal, and it’s cute as a button.

Sent to me by SheVibe, the Mushroom Massager is rechargeable, waterproof, and a mere 1.5 inches tall. It’s small enough to slip between two bodies during partnered sex, and abstract enough to sit on a bedside table without anyone knowing its intended use. At under $40, it’s an inexpensive treat – but is it as fun(gi) as it looks?

And is it any good as a clitoral vibrator, or should it stick to its namesake: massage?

cloud 9 mushroom massager design

The Mushroom Massager’s domed head is 2.4 inches wide, and sits on a short stem with a raised button on its base. While the Mushroom will stand on its own, it’s at a slight tilt because of the button. (Which is a shame! A flat button with indented markings would have been just as easy to find with your fingertips.)

As I noted in my SheVibe unboxing video, the addition of ridges on the underside of the head was a nice touch and makes this vibrator all the more mushroomy. There’s a thin seam running through the middle of the Mushroom Massager, but it’s imperceptible against skin.

When the toy is on, the button glows blue. It’s pretty dull, so no annoying eye-searing in the dark! The light gets brighter on higher settings, and blinks or pulses along with patterns.

To charge the Mushroom Massager, you stick the charger through the nearly invisible hole on the back of the stem; it can be plugged in via USB or with an adapter (not included) like most phones have.

the strength and settings of the cloud 9 mushroom massager

Of the Mushroom Massager’s 9 settings, 3 are steady speeds. Their power is in range of the Iroha Zen, which is to say that this toy is very gentle. The highest of its steady settings can’t match the comparably priced Noje Fauna Mini Wand’s lowest setting. And while the mushroom’s vibrations have some decent strength and rumble to them when I use it to massage my neck and shoulders, they’re wispy and ineffective on my junk. Perhaps because the vibrations have nearer bones to reverberate against, as opposed just fluttering uselessly against my ample soft and squishies? Who knows, I didn’t go to college!

(Also, it important to keep the charge topped off. As the battery wanes, the mushroom’s vibrations become further muffled by the toy’s own silicone-wrapped body.)

The patterns are… patterns. There are rapid blips, little ramp ups, and a couple of somewhat unique combinations. I’m warming up to patterns, but only on toys with strong vibrations that can make them worthwhile teases to endure; the Mushroom Massager is waaay too gentle, at least for me.

I appreciate Cloud 9 Novelties’ self-control on the number of settings. So many companies (*cough* FemmeFunn *cough*) turn single button toys into a massive hassle by including a ridiculous number of settings and forcing you to click through them one by one. The Mushroom Massager’s modest 10 provide variety without holding you hostage.

my experience with the cloud 9 mushroom massager

There are two reasons this mushroom isn’t for me: its vibrations lack the power, depth, and thumpiness I need, and its cap is simultaneously too big to fit between my fat labia for direct clitoral contact, and too small to cover my cooch like a wand. This in-between sizing isn’t a deal breaker in general, but because the vibrations are weak, its shape becomes frustrating.

If you want slightly more precise but not quite pinpoint stimulation, you can tilt the mushroom over and use the head’s rim against your body instead. The vibration can feel a bit stronger this way, but it’s a little awkward to hold.

My favorite use of the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager is tucking its stem between two fingers and passively holding it against my body. My wrist and fingers ache a lot, and this pain gets exacerbated by holding most of my vibrators like pencils. The Mushroom Massager can be held like a pencil too, buuut it’s easier to keep my hand flat. (I have to extend my reach more because, y’know, voluptuous body, but alas!) This is also the ideal way to use it for massage, and its shape is really well suited to rubbing your own neck and shoulders.

maybe you’ll like it, but for me there’s mushroom for improvement

Despite its wispy vibrations (at least on my junk), I think the Mushroom Massager’s price tag is fair given that it’s rechargeable, waterproof, and made of body-safe silicone. Its unique and decoratively discreet shape is just as charming in person as it is in stock photos. It makes an ideal purchase for folks with nosy parents, roommates, or kids. After all, it’s basically just a massager. And it even comes with a storage bag!

Other folks might have a pretty different reaction to this funky forest floor dweller. It’s compact but not pinpoint, and it’s camped firmly in the ‘frantic butterfly wings’ end of the vibration spectrum. I’ve seen more than one person on Reddit with hyper sensitive vulvas for whom vibrations need to be tempered down to a rippling tickle. As long as you don’t mind the fact that the vibrations travel through the stem and into your fingers, this might be love at first shroom.

But that’s a very small slice of customers, who wouldn’t be negatively impacted if the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager had a stronger motor capable of distributing a few additional power settings with more muscle to them. Beyond this very specific subset of people, the Mushroom Massager’s only real appeal is being a decent massager.

You can find the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager Rechargeable Vibrator on Amazon.

Thank you, SheVibe, for sending me the Cloud 9 Mushroom Massager Waterproof Vibrator in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links were used in this post.