The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Mini Vibrator was sent to me by SheVibe, online purveyors of pleasure products and all-around super folks. I’ll probably never stop yelling about how SheVibe is awesome and also comics-themed, because I need an outlet for the burst of joy I get whenever I randomly remember The Dark Harness.

The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet is the bullet vibrator that made my partner like bullet vibrators.

I could start this review off by saying the Ultra Bullet looks unassuming at first – because that would build up dramatic tension for me revealing it’s incredibly strong – but it doesn’t, really. The black/red color combination alone makes it novel. Most budget-friendly kink toys come in these colors, but I don’t often see them utilized for small vibrators. EDIT: Annnd the black/red was discontinued. Sorry, readers!

The Ultra Bullet also comes in turquoise, obligatory pink, and obligatory purple.

In addition to the colors, the Ultra Bullet departs from its peers by being flexible. The bottom half of the shaft can be bent at an almost 90-degree angle. This, along with its velvety silicone finish, enamored my partner after so many plastic bullets failed to woo them.

But the single-most impressive thing about the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet is its powerful vibrations. For such a small vibrator, the Ultra Bullet is an absolute bully – and I mean that in the best way.

an ultramitely great design

The Ultra Bullet is about four inches long and one inch in diameter. It’s bigger than a lot of bullet vibes, meaning it won’t fit in most bullet compatible toys like vac-u-lock dildos or sleeves.

I’m a big fan of small artistic choices making a big visual impact, and the Ultra Bullet is a great example of this. It’s memorable because of its baseball bat shape, bulb-shaped base with two decorative ridges beneath, and the contrast color for its logo-stamped button. It’s funky and weird and I love it.

Though the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet is priced at what I consider “budget friendly,” it’s rechargeable, waterproof, and comes with its own storage bag. I have a few issues with it – which I’ll discuss in this review – but overall, I think it earns its asking price and I enthusiastically recommend it.

patterns aren’t much funn

Before I even talk about the Ultra Bullet’s power, I’ve got to complain about the absurd number of patterns FemmeFunn decided to cram into this single-button toy. Seventeen. There are seventeen fucking patterns. Why? Surely even the folks that like patterns don’t want to click through seventeen of them??

For the love of all things good and gay, just pick the five best patterns and call it a day.

The Ultra Bullet’s bloated roster can only be avoided one way: turning it off and turning it back on again. Because of its “memory function,” the toy starts out on the setting you last used, so you have to click the button a second time to return to the start. If you like to start off on gentler settings and orgasm with higher ones, or if you accidentally click past the third setting and into the patterns, it’ll take a minimum of six seconds to start over.

Again, I ask, why?

ultra powerful, ultra affordable

I had heard rumblings in the blogosphere about the Ultra Bullet’s, well, rumblings, so I knew what I was getting into when I asked SheVibe to send me one.

Rumbly vibrations are most often associated with wands, but they can come in smaller packages with the right kind of motor. They’re powerful, deep-reaching vibrations that feel more thumpy than buzzy. And the Ultra Bullet is very rumbly.

The Ultra Bullet has three speeds. The first steady setting has a kick to it, so if you prefer mild vibrations, the first setting might just be your max. It’s much gentler than the Blush Power Vibe’s first setting, but stronger than the We-Vibe Tango’s.

There’s a pretty big jump from steady speed one to two, and from two to three; it’s too bad there’s not another setting or two to distribute the power over smaller intervals. The Ultra Bullet has some wonderful vibrations and I’d love to experience them as a gradual build-up.

The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet’s vibrations don’t quite match the power of the We-Vibe Tango (the standard against which all other bullets are judged) but they’re remarkably close for a toy that’s $30 USD cheaper. And if the Tango’s rigid plastic isn’t your cup of tea, the Ultra Bullet’s flexible neck and buttery silicone finish will probably make the sacrifice in power worthwhile.

On its lowest setting, the Ultra Bullet is a noise match for the Tango (which is pretty dang quiet.) On their respective highest settings, the Ultra Bullet is actually quieter than the Tango. I can’t hear it across the room when the airconditioner is on low. So while the Ultra Bullet takes several seconds to turn off if you’re interrupted, it likely won’t be heard beneath a blanket with a fan on if you need to be discreet.

femme and flexible

Because I prefer my non-wand vibrators to be hard so I can press them firmly against the side of my clit, I didn’t have much use for the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet’s flexible body. It makes for easier masturbation when sitting up (because the shaft tucks more comfortably between my outer labia than a stick of plastic) but otherwise it was mostly moot for me.

But my partner loves it: “[The flexibility] makes it easier to settle the vibrator exactly how I want it against my junk. […] I can kind of make a jerking/rubbing off motion with it easier than more rigid [bullet] vibrators because it has bend to it.” Its willingness to curve also makes it less intrusive to use during strap-on sex, since it doesn’t require my partner hold it at an unnatural angle the entire time.

Flexibility like this is of particular use to fellow fat folks with a lot of extra cushion to contend with. Your stomach, pubic mound, or even outer labia can kinda dictate how you’re able to position your hand (especially if you have shorter arms or limited mobility) and being able to tuck and bend the Ultra Bullet into place is nice.

And as an autistic person who has a hard time discerning how much force I’m exerting, I’m also really impressed at how robust the flexible portion of the bullet is. I don’t feel like I’m going to accidentally break it!

grab a bullet by the ball

The bulb base really interested me when I first saw it, because it looked like it could serve as an easier handhold. And it certainly does, depending on how you like to hold your vibrators and how enthusiastic you are about the shaft’s flexibility. (I wasn’t, so I ended up sticking to holding it like a pencil.)

For those of us who like using bullets vaginally (sup, PFD and vaginismus pals!), the bulb makes it much easier to hold the toy in place or thrust.

Being a bullet, its vibrations do travel into one’s fingers, regardless of where you hold it. Because of their force, my fingers definitely get numb/itchy from prolonged use, but no more than can be expected for a vibe this small and strong.

charging via the bulletseye

The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet charges via USB, which means you can either plug it into your computer, or use an adapter base like the one for your phone. The cord has a pin that you shove into a minuscule hole on the side of the base; these puncture-style cords creep me out, but at least FemmeFunn made theirs sturdy. EDIT: Great news, newer iterations of the Ultra Bullet now use a magnetic charger!

FemmeFunn says a full charge gets you about two hours of use time, but I’m sorry to say I can’t verify that for sure – we use this bullet so often that I try to plug it in after every use to keep its charge topped off. I should be fired from my blog.

care and cleaning for the best resultras

With the subtle dragginess of its silicone finish (it reminds me of Blush Novelties’ Avant line), the Ultra Bullet benefits from some lube. (Unless you ask my partner, who enjoys rutting on the slight texture.) Silicone toys shouldn’t be used with silicone lube because it can cause deterioration, so your best bet is coconut oil or water-based lubes like my much-beloved Sliquid Sassy.

Though silicone lube is a no-no, you can store the Ultra Bullet alongside other silicone toys. FemmeFunn includes a soft fabric storage bag, so even if you don’t have a dedicated toy drawer in your bedside table, you’ll have somewhere to stash your bullet!

Beyond the pattern pile from hell, my biggest frustration with the Ultra Bullet is its uniquely effective lint magnetism. I never use this bullet unless it’s been freshly rinsed, because it collects every bit of fluff, strand of hair, and flake of dust in a sixty mile radius.

To wash the Ultra Bullet, use either toy cleaner or some mild soap (handsoap works fine for us) and rinse thoroughly. It’s waterproof, so you don’t have to worry about drowning it. Which is good, because there’s a bit of a crevice around the button, and lubey fingers can gunk it up.

the fuckinng fanntastic ultra bullet

So do I recommend the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet? Yes. Do I launch into curse-laden diatribes whenever its seventeen fucking patterns are brought up? Also yes.

The Ultra Bullet is a powerful, well-made, and affordable vibrator that matches my all my budget kink gear and literally bends to my partner’s will. It’s not an exact power match for the Tango, but it’s close enough that I feel comfortable recommending it to power royalty.

Assuming you’re into the flexibility and not looking for a bullet to fit inside bullet-compatible toys, the Ultra Bullet is definitely worth its asking price – just don’t tread too far into its plethora of patterns and find yourself in the Upside-Down.

You can find the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet on SheVibe for $50 USD at the time of this posting.

Thank you, SheVibe, for sending me the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Rechargeable 20 Function Mini Vibrator in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links were used in this post.