My inbox is fascinating place. Some days there’s unsolicited dick pics, other days there’s an offer to review fantasy dildos as wide as soda cans.

The strange fellow you see here is the YOCY Dwarf, sold by a website called Big Shocked. It came in a box branded ‘Faak Toy,’ which appears to be a different (maybe wholesaler?) site. Big Shocked carries dozens of fantasy dildo designs.

I laughed when I read the Dwarf’s product description. According to Big Shocked, the fantasy being that this dong belongs to “does not seem too enticing. They are sometimes described as short and ugly.” What a rude introduction!

This hefty dildo is 8 inches tall and a whopping 2.6 inches wide. For comparison, the average human penis is 5 inches tall and 1.4 inches wide. The Dwarf was definitely designed for experienced girth enthusiasts only.

The base is wide enough to make this toy anal safe. (It can technically work in a strap-on harness, but I don’t have an o-ring big enough!) The base has a deep concave shape to make it a suction cup, but in my experience it only takes a little tugging to dislodge it.

The YOCY Dwarf is made of what I consider medium firm silicone, although it feels harder in use due to its width. You can squeeze it slightly, bend it a little, but it’s essentially a solid block of silicone. It doesn’t yield at all. Rigidity usually makes texture more intense – but we’ll get to that in a second.

To fit the cave dwelling miner theme, the Dwarf is a humanoid penis with a “normal” head and craggy, rock-like bumps on the shaft. The base has hair lines etched in it to simulate furry pubic hair.

You can get the Dwarf Dildo in numerous colorations, but mine is in Graffiti. My partner Buster (who steps in to test big dildos) and I are harshly divided on whether or not this color combo suits the “ugly” moniker. Buster loves it. I think it looks like spilled condiments.

After warming up with smaller toys, the Dwarf’s textureless head wedges in surprisingly easily. This dildo doesn’t have a g-spotting curve, but it doesn’t need one: it’s so hard and huge it puts pressure on every inch of the vagina.

Because of its sheer girth, the YOCY Dwarf’s texturing is only apparent at certain angles and while in motion. The craggy outcroppings are even and smooth, so while they look intimidating, they’re actually very tame.

In fact, Buster says the most prominent feature on this toy (for them) is actually the crown of the head. The smooth, blunt ridge strokes and tugs as you move the Dwarf, providing a firm pop of sensation.

To be honest, when I first unboxed the YOCY Dwarf and Gen Bu, I was worried. We’ve never owned large toys in a firm density. But Buster actually loves the Dwarf! “The firmness makes it easier to hold it myself and thrust. It was less of a fight to actually get inside myself versus some of our softer toys,” Buster says in their notes.

Another thing I was worried about was the price. Currently, the Dwarf is $52. That’s suspiciously cheap for such a large silicone toy. So before ever using it, I did a burn test. If it’s legitimately made of silicone, the burned material will turn to gray ash. (Other materials just stink and melt.) The YOCY Dwarf turned to ash!

Which is good, cus this one’s a keeper.

If you’re interested in a fantasy cave dweller of your own, find yours on Big Shocked.

This review is sponsored, but my writing and opinions are my own. If you would like to inquire about paid reviews, please see my work with me page.