With my birthday coming up (shout out to fellow Virgos who smash the stereotypes by being a fucking mess!) I’ve been pondering some non-fuckable things on my wishlist. Believe it or not, I do buy things besides video games and sex toys. Sometimes. But those things are still usually kinky and/or sex positive, because I’m a living manifestation of whatever energy is associated with blue clitoris earrings.

I thought it would be fun to share a few things I’ve been lusting after as of late. Maybe you’ll recommend something equally cool in the comments, and we can cry together about how we’re broke.

Make an Impact T-Shirt from Pen & Kink

Clever pun-maker and talented artist Pen & Kink (who made my logo!) has a number of great kinky designs on his Redbubble. Right now I’m obsessed with his black and white kinkspiration series, including this one! You can get Make An Impact as a print, tote bag, hoodie, etc – but I want it on a t-shirt.

101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do by Kate Sloan

Kate Sloan wasn’t born to write this book – she raised herself to write this book through years of freelance writing, exploring, and self-reflection. Whether you’re a kink beginner, a curious bystander, or a kinkster looking for an excuse to ponder further possibilities, Sloan’s got 101 things to talk to us about. I am so excited to learn!

Wooden Wax Play Knives from The Kinkery

I used to enjoy blade and blood play, but it’s become a hard limit for me. These wooden knives from The Kinkery are an ideal alternative. Not only do they make flicking off dried wax much easier (great news for me, I hate getting it under my nails), they’re perfect for role playing. My lust for the purpleheart/oak coloration is immense.

Weeeeee! Embroidered Penis from Needlefetish

NeedleFetish makes pretty and often hilarious embroideries of genitals, sexy words, dinosaurs, and more. I’ve been a fan for awhile, but recently Stacy started offering several designs as made to order. Hopefully I’ll be getting my hands on this whimsical weeeenie sometime soon!

Smut Peddler Presents from Iron Circus Comics

This comics anthology series from indie press Iron Circus has been on my lust list for years. There are now multiple iterations, including Silver, My Monster Boyfriend, and Sex Machine. Comics are my favorite storytelling medium as well as my favorite porn medium. Every new Smut Peddler has a central theme that I find sexy for different reasons, so I hope to one day own them all in paperback.

Good Vibes Only Neon Sign from Amazon

I spend a potentially unhealthy amount of time mentally decorating my dream office, and one of the key components is a neon sign. As a sex toy enthusiast and reviewer, I love how “good vibes” has endured through the decades as a generic t-shirt (and in this case, neon sign) phrase. The accidental double meaning is so satisfying! This one is perfect to hang over my sex toy storage.

Fundraising Umbrella Dildo from Closet Play Sex Toys

Okay, I confess, this is a sex toy. My listicle is a lie. And it’s not languishing on my wishlist – it’s being sent to me for review! But can you blame me for wanting to get the word out about this donation dong? Sex workers are dealing with unprecedented challenges in the pandemic. 100% the profits from this umbrella-themed dildo go to the Scarlet Alliance. A purchase feels good twice over!

Superhero Sex Educator Trading Cards from SheVibe

SheVibe currently has three sets of sex educator cards – including yours truly! (I still can’t believe it. How did I get so lucky?) I already have an idea for how to display them, so it’s only a matter of time before my wall is host to numerous sex educators and sex positive influencers who are changing the world one post at a time.

3D Printed 3 Piece Vagina from Singletons3DCreation

This is probably the most niche item on this list: a 3D printed vulva with a removable clit that shows how extensive the internal clitoris is. As an aspiring/quasi sex educator, I want to start accumulating teaching tools I can use in future videos. But also – what awesome shelf décor! Gimme a light blue vulva and a dark blue clitoris, please.

The Sex Calendar from Cliterally the Best

Sex holidays! From sexual health awareness days to sex positive celebrations, the Sex Calendar gives you a heads up – and it’s structured by date, so you don’t have to buy a new one next year. Unfortunately I don’t live in the UK, so I have to purchase a digital download and take it to a print shop… but one day I will bother!!

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