I don’t know exactly when I first discovered sex blogs (sometime in late 2016 or early 2017 probably), but I know how I did. Back when I was more heavily involved in nerd culture and writing about comic books, another comic book blogger shared a piece from DangerousLilly about toxic sex toys. I don’t remember the snippet they quoted, but it resonated with my terrible experiences with jelly toys, so I clicked. And I kept clicking, consuming post after post, devouring information I had never thought to seek out.
I sought out other pillars of the sex toy reviewer community, hungry for more voices, and subsequently ferreted through their blog rolls for even more – but that only got me so far. It wasn’t until I noticed a Sex Blogging Superhero badge on someone’s sidebar that I discovered how big the community was. The Sex Blogging Superheroes list was long, but the sex blog directory itself was even longer. Beyond sex toy reviews, there were kink blogs and sex educators and polyam sites – a huge, branching network of passionate people sharing their knowledge, experiences, and perspectives on a variety of topics I’ve always considered myself invested in but never thought to engage with directly, especially not regularly.
And now, this year, I have the chance to be on that list.
Community for me has always been built on a shared nerd fandom: fans of this show or that comic or these books, celebrating and discoursing in some corner of social media. I had never thought to seek out a community – a fandom – centering sex positivity… but once I found it, everything changed for me. I’ve prioritized pleasure in my life and in my relationship in a way that I previously shied away from. I’ve started exploring again. I’m learning new things daily, on purpose! And with the launch of my blog back in January, I started trying to be part of someone else’s change.
If you think I’ve made some kind of small difference or have the potential of making a difference for others, I’d love it if you took a moment to vote for me here. You don’t have to log in or sign up for anything, and all it takes is a single click!
Vote for Betty Butch
Disclaimer: I know Kinkly as a site has screwed up, and I’m not always a fan of the work they post (for the love of god can we not promote weird cissexism for search clicks.) I recognize that they need to be held accountable and to high standards, because they’re an educational resource – and, I suspect, often the first and only resource – for a big audience. That kind of reach and influence needs to be positive, inclusive/just, and barrier-breaking.
But as someone who uses Twitter – whose problematic policies and very public fuckups are innumerable – I’m pretty firmly in the camp of pushing resources to be better over straight-up canceling them. I think Kinkly does some good work and has the potential to do better. But that’s a personal decision, and you’re under no obligation to vote for me if you feel it’s an endorsement of a platform you’re uncomfortable with.
And while you’re all here…
Have you heard of Resistbot?
It’s a lightning-fast, anxiety-free way to reach out to the politicians tasked with representing you. From the White House to your local newspaper, Resistbot provides an easy way to get your voice heard. It’s literally as easy as typing up a Twitter DM – which means if you’ve had time to tweet your frustration and fear, you’ve had time to send it directly to the assholes responsible for causing it.
Resistbot also checked my voter registration for me, occasionally sends me a DM about the bullshit relevant politicians are pulling so I can immediately react, and bunches more.
You can read more on Resistbot’s website, or simply follow them on Twitter.
