Buster and I are a few months into this year’s commitment to prioritize our sex life, and already our toy drawer has more dildos and vibrators in it than we’ve owned in the prior 13 years of our relationship! It’s still a modest collection compared to most of my blogging peers, but just having choices is a huge game changer. I feel invigorated about sex in part because our newfound options allow us to change up our usual routines.

But there are so many more routine-changers to be had. We’re both fairly kinky, but we’ve lived well below the poverty line until recently, and gear is expensive. Yes, necessity is the mother of invention, and we’ve managed to indulge our kinkier needs with pervertibles (household objects used creatively) to varying degrees of success/satisfaction. But I want more than wooden spoons to spank with and bathrobe ties for bondage. I want to answer longings I’ve had all my adult life with something better than just what I’ve got laying around the house.

Because I’ve spent so much time thinking about things I want to get this year, I decided I’d make a blog post about some of them – both to hold myself accountable through putting my thoughts onto ‘paper’, and to take the opportunity to talk about things I’m into sexually. Blogs are cool, y’all.

Buster and I’s goal is to purchase at least one thing from each section of this wishlist before the end of the year. Most items on this list are under $70, I think it can be done!

More Buttplugs

We actually have three already (Buster is very fond of their Bronco from Tantus), but I’d like to expand – heh – our anal experiences. I’m a perpetual beginner when it comes to anal toys, so my preferences remain firmly around the 1-inch girth mark; Buster has a greedier ass than mine. I’m particularly interested in finding a plug that I can comfortably wear while I’m writing at the table or lounging around binge-watching tv shows. While I’m almost always thinking about sex, my body doesn’t always take the hint, and wearing a plug might help clue my junk into the fact that I wanna get busy later.

I’d love to try the Tru Butt Plug Truskyn, the Spank Me Naughty Candy Heart, and the Icicles Black Glass Rose. Buster has their eyes on the Firefly Glow in the Dark Glass Plug, the Tantus Ringo, and the Dr Joel Kaplan Inflatable Plug.

Bondage Cuffs

I’ve been tying Buster up with scarves, sashes, and rolled-up tanktops for as long as we’ve been together. We’ve even had a few pairs of Dollar Tree handcuffs. Last year, we bought a bondage set from Amazon (which is the last place you should be buying sex toys from, due to the lack of quality control.) It was the set that really hammered home how badly I wanted proper bondage cuffs. They look great on Buster’s wrists and ankles, and being able to clip them together with a short chain makes bondage fast and tidy – and they’re relatively easy to get Buster out of after the session is over. I really like wearing them myself, because I can keep them on while I come back from subspace as a way to stay physically connected to the scene until I’m ready to leave it.

Some cuffs we’re eyeing include the Patent Leather Wrist Bow Restraint, the Mr S Leather Essential Wrist Restraints, these Tom of Finland Locking Neoprene Cuffs, and these Wrist Restraints with Heart Inlay. There are quite a few much more expensive sets I’d like (especially on Etsy), but I wanted to keep this list budget-friendly for myself!

Rope

Lately I’ve been devouring the rope tutorials available from Twisted Monk and Watts the Safeword. I’ve always loved the aesthetics of rope, and the budget-minded part of me loves the near-endless possibilities that a few lengths of rope provides for bondage. We’ve had cheap rope that probably wasn’t ideal for skin in the past, but never did much with it because I didn’t have access to guides explaining how the hell to use it. Now that I’ve found a wellspring, I’m ready to jump in myself.

I’m especially excited for The Robust Kit and Tantus Nylon Rope.

Impact Toys

Way back in our baby queer years, Buster and I had a boyfriend who brought a flogger with him when he moved in; when he moved out a few (very toxic) months later, the flogger stayed behind. I love working a good spanking or a mild beating into scenes, so it’s always been a bit of a tragedy that I’ve only had an ex’s flogger and pervertibles to work with. Crops attract me the most, but I’d also like to get Buster’s backside with pretty wooden or silicone paddles and leather straps.

Impact toys can get pricey. Some gorgeous picks that won’t take more than a month to up save for include the Blue Devil Leather Flogger, this Slapper Crop, the Tantus Wham Bam, the Carbon Fiber Pain Stick, Daddy’s Belt, and this gorgeous Peony Engraved Wooden Spanking Paddle.

Eletrostim Toys

The first paid-for porn I ever watched was WiredPussy (now called Electrosluts, I believe); Buster got me a subscription for my 18th birthday. Princess Donna terrified me and inspired me in equal measures and helped shaped a lot of my sexual tastes. Luckily I’ve been wise enough not to try DIY eletrostim (I occasionally refuse to unplug appliances myself because I just know I’ll somehow get shocked), but I’ve had plenty of fantasies about tying Buster up and torturing them with a Hitachi and something crackly. This year I really want to make a decade of daydreaming a reality.

We have already tried the Kink Stinger Electro-Play Wand (provided by SheVibe and reviewed here.) I want to move on to the Kinklab Neon Wand. It’s an investment, but I think it’ll be worth it. I would also love to try the Hello Touch Fingertip Wearables!

Monster Dildos

I was into anime for a number of years. Tentacle porn was definitely my thing for awhile. I don’t watch much anime these days (hentai or otherwise) but my love of weird, monstery appendages slithering their way into human orifices has found a new home in fandoms like Star Wars. I’ve never liked realistic dildos (shaping is fine, but I draw the line at skin tones, veins, and detailed balls) so monster dicks – with their vibrant colors, bizarre shapes and textures, and often imposing sizing – have consistently drawn my eye since I discovered indie dildo-slingers. Since they’re not going in me and Buster has a pretty accommodating vag, the possibilities are nearly limitless.

It’s actually a bit hard to list specific monster dildos because most makers sell one-of-a-kind pieces on Etsy; linking to a particular listing will just result in dead links as toys sell out. Shops I’m lusting over include Lovecrafters Toys, Xeno Cat Artifacts, Fck Buddies, and Fantasticocks.

Collars

When I was in high school (the aforementioned anime era), a lot of my friends wore nylon dog collars to school. I was a late bloomer, but one of the few times I can recall feeling a surge of lust as a teenager was when a male friend of mine took his collar off and let me wear it for a few minutes. It was warm from his skin and both foreign and comforting around my neck. I’ve loved collars ever since. We’ve had a few actual dog collars over the years (including a few I recently grabbed on ebay), but I’d like to invest a little more and buy some quality collars intended for human use.

Some choices Buster and I are both lusting over that will not break the bank are the Steel Band Collar with Leash, Tom of Finland Neoprene Collar, Quick-Pull Choke Collar, and quite a few pieces on Etsy from shops like Oddo Leather and Oxyd Creations.

Masks/Muzzles

Buster loves Bucky Barnes. They’ve been wanting a mask/muzzle that has similar shaping to Bucky’s Winter Soldier mask since the trailer for CATWS dropped; in the last shot, Bucky turns and catches Cap’s shield, eyes dark-lined and glaring, his lower face hidden by a form-fitting mask. It’s such a sexy visual. I can’t wait to have only Buster’s eyes visible while I work them over, watching their expression shift, their eyebrows furrowing with pleasure or pain… There’s lots of roleplaying to be had when we have one of our own.

/r/Sextoys helped us find our number one pick, Mr S Leather’s Mercenary Muzzle. (Thanks Reddit!) There are others on our list (like the Lektor Zipper Mouth Muzzle), but there is no way Buster is letting me get any of them before this one.

Strap-On Harnesses

In my Three Lessons Learned piece, I wrote about abandoning Buster and I’s first strap-on pretty quickly due to improper sizing and having absolutely no idea how to use it. Despite both of us wanting a proper harness, that initial experience – and the steep pricing of quality harnesses – has kept us from really trying again. But I don’t want to let shame and ignorance stop me from affirming myself in both sexual desire and gender with a harness, nor from enjoying this sex act and reminding myself it’s something that my fat, nonbinary body deserves too.

While we do have one harness on the way (thanks, Peepshow Toys!) I would like to find a perfect match and that will likely take some exploring. The more budget-friendly harnesses Buster and I want are Packer Gear Black Boxer Briefs, Red Lace Corsette Strap-On; pricier harnesses like the SquarePants Joque and SquarePants Tomboi Briefs are unironic #Goals.

Masturbation Sleeves

Buster generally occupies a more masculine portion of the nonbinary spectrum than I do, and one of the ways they enjoy affirming themselves is through sex toys that pleasure vulvas in nontraditional ways. Pressure wave style toys like our Satisfyer Pro Penguin 2 have been great for this! But now we’d like to try more intentionally transmasc-oriented toys like strokers. Buster isn’t medically transitioning (and as of yet has no intentions to ever do so), so options are pretty limited since most sleeve-style masturbators for transmasc folks are for those who have experienced growth on testosterone or through a metoidioplasty.

At the moment, though, there are two strokers within our budget that I’d like to try: the Buck Off Kiss-X and the Fascination Sleeve!

As I’ve said before, it’s hard to put your sex life at the top of your spending budget (if you’ve even got the financial wiggle room to budget.) It took us years of talking about filling up our toy box to actually get around to starting. But the investment’s already paying itself off: we’re having better sex and we’re having it more often, I feel more adventurous in what I’m willing to ask for sexually, and I feel closer to Buster than I have in a long time. So while I feel nagging shame and greed over much of this list – who needs more than one butt plug, who the hell spends $60 on a spanking implement, etc – I know that it’s just internalized stigma that needs tackling. Who needs more than one butt plug? I do. Who the hell spends $60 on a spanking implement? Some time later this year, me. I’m worth it. My sex life is worth it.

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