You’d think a sex-positive queer couple would have amassed at least a small collection of sex toys after 13 years together, especially given how particular my partner Buster and I are when it comes to the bedroom. But unfortunately, our bedside table drawers are depressingly barren.

In the early years of our relationship, we didn’t have access to sex education or adult toy stores, so we improvised – the list of household items we utilized was as embarrassing as it was clever (and unsafe.) As we got older, we made the occasional roadtrip to adult toy stores, but we knew nothing about toy safety or even our own preferences, so those trips were not only few and far between, but also often yielded lackluster results. Beyond that, it’s often been money that’s held us back from cultivating a toy collection; it’s hard to rationalize sex toys in your budget when you’re struggling to pay your bills.

But if I’m being honest, the biggest reason we’ve been limited to a single functioning dildo (an admittedly new addition) and an almost-broken vibrator (the zillionth purchase of the exact same cheap Spencer’s bullet I’ve been buying since I was 19 years old) is that we haven’t made ourselves and our sex life a priority. Our money situation has gotten better, but our bedside table drawer has remained empty.

So we decided to start filling it.

SHOPPING AT SHEVIBE

We picked SheVibe for our first real foray into online sex toy ordering. DangerousLilly, a blog I have had bookmarked for ages and whose posts have changed my perception of sex toys forever, recommends them highly, so that’s where we headed.

I’m a big fan of comic books, so I love SheVibe’s themeing and its inclusion of a (often humorous) strip at the top of category pages. The art is well-placed to avoid cluttering the page or detracting too much attention from the inventory, and it sets the site apart from its competitors. I’d have a hard time recalling the design of most sex toy websites after a quick visit; I’d have no problem describing SheVibe.

The art itself is pretty good. There are things I find unappealing about it (the sometimes rotund, exaggerated shaping of characters’ breasts paired with gutless tiny waists; the sexy posing of characters’ bodies sometimes looking rather Escher Girls-y; the colorist’s often heavy-handed highlighting) and I do wish it was more noticeably diverse (there are a few scattered people of color and a little bit of body diversity, but it falls short of feeling beckoningly inclusive – I’d love to see some blatantly larger bodies, and maybe a disabled character or two.) But there’s also so much to love. The nerdy references (if I ever buy an electrostim toy, I’ll now want to yell “88 miles per hour!” upon using it), the humor (the garage door bit made me laugh out loud), and the unapologetic embrace of superhero roots (I’ve never felt more validated than seeing a strap-on harness signal in the style of the bat signal.) It’s fun, it’s quirky, and it isn’t afraid to be unique.

I especially love that the art isn’t afraid to poke fun at sex toys and their users. It’s never mean-spirited, and I have yet to find a strip with an offensive joke at its core. The site is inviting you to laugh with them, because sex toys are a good time!

The humor also serves as a great tension-breaker for browsers. My partner and I clicked around the site together, and on several occasions when budget anxiety or general shyness started getting to me, I was drawn out of my funk by laughing at or discussing a strip with her. Incorporating conversational ice-breakers on every page was a genius idea, especially for a site peddling product that has a pretty universal reputation for being nerve-wracking to shop for!

The site is also pretty easy to navigate. The main/landing page can be disorienting at first glance – there’s a lot going on, especially with oversized sale banners and a large faux comic cover taking up so much space – but after a moment, the “start shopping” section draws the eye. Categories are clearly marked, and the ability to search for specifics in subcategories (such as sizing in dildos, or power source in vibrators) made shopping easy. I found that although the ability to sort product by price, average rating, or bestselling status was available to me, SheVibe has such nicely curated inventory I was happy to just click through every page instead.

My only gripe about how the subcategories can be sorted is a small one: brand names are featured as the first sortable option on the left, above things like size and power source. Maybe when I’m way more acclimated to sex toys in general, searching by maker will be more important to me, but as a casual/first time shopper, I cared more about finding the right fit than a specific brand.

But my favorite aspect of SheVibe besides the art is definitely the product pages. Unlike other retailers where I’ve had to dig deep into an item’s description or even google its name to discover the manufacturer, SheVibe presents the manufacturer’s logo at the top of the page. If an item has a warranty, or is rechargeable, or is made of silicone, etc, there’s a bold, black stamp listed at the top as a feature. “More Info” and “Reviews” tabs are given equal visual prominence on the page as opposed to being put at the bottom like I’ve seen elsewhere, so there’s no missing vital information or other buyers’ thoughts.

SheVibe doesn’t feel like a site that wants to shadily sell something you’re not already looking for through manipulating how you perceive it. If you don’t want to buy a product from a particular company or you’re looking to avoid battery-operated toys, you can tell at a glance if you’ve come across a toy that doesn’t meet your purchase standards. Products’ descriptions are generally pretty straight-forward and informative too – and I’ve even seen SheVibe add their own warning to descriptions from manufacturers they disagree with, like notations on toys pitched as anal safe but don’t have flared bases.

ORDERING FROM SHEVIBE

Beyond Lilly’s recommendation and the site’s great design, there was something else that drew me to pick SheVibe as our first shop: the Scandal Silicone Stopper Gag. Black, silicone, and deliciously degrading; I happened across it during one of my initial peeks at the site and knew I had to have it.

My partner and I had an extended weekend coming up, so we put in our order and paid extra for faster shipping. The next day we had some last-minute Christmas shopping to do, so we headed out into the madness. At one point I found myself poking around SheVibe on my phone, idly fantasizing about what we were intending to get up to with our haul, and noticed the gag was out of stock. I texted my partner, and… well…

It was out of stock for me too.

As soon as I gloated about my good luck, I discovered I was in fact unlucky after all. The email sent to me was courteous and apologetic, and of course I understand these things happen, but I was pretty disappointed and said so in my reply. I made sure to end with a thank you – as they were prompt and offered to let me choose a different toy, an option I declined – and happy holidays, so that my dissatisfaction didn’t make anyone feel badly. It was improperly marked as in-stock, and I was bummed and wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again, but it was an accident.

To my surprise, I received another response.

Now, I’m going to point out the obvious: there is literally no other circumstance besides this one where it’s appropriate for a company to give an unhappy customer a ballgag. But I feel hashtag blessed to have encountered the one singular situation where it was both a welcome and appreciated gesture, because it’s one of those funny stories you get to tell at parties. One time a store was out of stock of something I ordered and I complained so they sent me a ballgag. It’s hilarious!

(But, seriously – both the polite acknowledgment of my disappointment, and the unsolicited offer to make things right, soothed my big whiny baby feelings. This order was a big deal for us. I appreciate that it wasn’t brushed off.)

Because we ordered at the most awkward possible time of year (midnight on the Friday before a three day holiday weekend), SheVibe didn’t get my order out until the following Tuesday. They clearly note on their shipping page that order processing takes up to two days and they’re closed on weekends, but I admit I didn’t actually read that until after I spent Saturday refreshing my order page eagerly obsessing for an update. What can I say, Amazon Prime has ruined me!

Though we qualified for free shipping, we decided to pay $13.50 for priority. I received my package on Friday. I was initially certain it wouldn’t arrive to me in the advertised three day window because the tracking was so weird. Between the package being handed off to UPS on Wednesday and being out for delivery in my town, there only a single, vague update to tracking: “in transit to destination.” Then, suddenly, I received four emails at different hours, telling me it would be out for delivery:

Usually UPS tracking at least updates when my package is in-state, and often again when it hits the nearest major city. I guess this time they wanted to add an element of sexy mystery. Or, you know, teeth-grinding anxiety that our toys wouldn’t arrive in time to come with us on the very trip we had purchased them for.

RECEIVING OUR ORDER

Our package arrived just in time to be taken on our trip. It came in a large white plastic shipping bag like the ones that online clothing retailers use, and the items were loose but padded with green pillowy bubble wrap. Initially I was worried because my mail folks are notoriously rough (aren’t everyone’s?) but none of the product boxes were crushed or even dented. The bag was discreet, with no indication I was receiving naughty stuff.

If I’m being honest, I probably would have been happier if the order had come in a box. One of the items we bought, the Magic Wand Rechargeable, is now the third most expensive item in my house (beaten out only by the laptop I’m currently typing on, and our tv.) $120 might not seem like much to some, but for us, it was a huge investment. Cardboard boxes are far from safe themselves, but as compared to a plastic bag…

But as I said, everything arrived undamaged.

Unfortunately, everything did not arrive in working order. A few seconds into use, a vibrator I purchased broke. (You can read more about my experience here.) After waffling about it for a day, I decided to head to SheVibe’s returns page and file a Defective Novelty Return form to get a replacement. The form was relatively easy to fill out, and I received a response within hours since it was a business day.

Generally, SheVibe sends a mailer for you to return the defective item before sending a replacement, but in this case they just sent a new one. It was tested before shipping, as noted in the email I subsequently received.

It arrived just two days after I filed because it was sent first class priority, which I thought was a nice touch, especially since it was a manufacturer’s issue and not SheVibe’s. Like the offer of a substitute ballgag, this added effort reassured me that SheVibe considered my frustration (which I didn’t even voice this time) and wanted to make things right.

(The replacement vibrator ended up broken too, but that’s another story.)

FINAL THOUGHTS

I can see why people love SheVibe. Their selection is great, their site is aesthetically unique and well-designed, and their customer service is superb. Even their Twitter account is top-notch, retweeting things about pop culture, sex positive articles, activism, and the latest pieces from their favorite sex bloggers. They also provide toys for review and sponsor posts from bloggers, which is important in an industry that sometimes seeks to devalue them.

For some folks, shopping for sex toys is as casual of an endeavor as buying new socks. For my partner and I (and so many others), it was anxiety-inducing and wallet-bruising, but SheVibe consistently lessened the stress through every step. From first browse to second order (the tracking page for which I’m eagerly refreshing at this very moment), I felt like SheVibe gave a shit. And you can’t say that about many companies in any industry.

Would I shop there again? (And by again, I mean a third time?) Absolutely. Good thing they also have a wishlist system, and they let you see your cart contents by hovering over “cart” at the top of the page. I’ve rearranged potential third orders about a dozen times in the last few days, trying to decide what I’m going to beg Buster to buy me next. Wise for my budget? Eh, probably not.

But my bedside table drawer certainly isn’t complaining.

Affiliate links were added to this article seven months after its initial posting.