{"id":413,"date":"2018-07-12T01:19:19","date_gmt":"2018-07-12T01:19:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/?p=413"},"modified":"2023-07-30T17:51:35","modified_gmt":"2023-07-30T17:51:35","slug":"prioritizing-our-sex-life-toys-wishlist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bettybutch.com\/index.php\/2018\/07\/12\/prioritizing-our-sex-life-toys-wishlist\/","title":{"rendered":"Prioritizing Our Sex Life: Let’s Talk Wishlist Toys!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Buster and I are a few months into this year\u2019s commitment to prioritize our sex life, and already our toy drawer has more dildos and vibrators in it than we\u2019ve owned in the prior 13 years of our relationship! It\u2019s still a modest collection compared to most of my blogging peers, but just having choices<\/em> is a huge game changer. I feel invigorated about sex in part because our newfound options allow us to change up our usual routines.<\/p>\n

But there are so many more routine-changers to be had. We\u2019re both fairly kinky, but we\u2019ve lived well below the poverty line until recently, and gear is expensive<\/em>. Yes, necessity is the mother of invention, and we\u2019ve managed to indulge our kinkier needs with pervertibles (household objects used creatively) to varying degrees of success\/satisfaction. But I want more than wooden spoons to spank with and bathrobe ties for bondage. I want to answer longings I\u2019ve had all my adult life with something better than just what I\u2019ve got laying around the house.<\/p>\n

Because I\u2019ve spent so much time thinking about things I want to get this year, I decided I\u2019d make a blog post about some of them \u2013 both to hold myself accountable through putting my thoughts onto \u2018paper\u2019, and to take the opportunity to talk about things I\u2019m into sexually. Blogs are cool, y\u2019all.<\/p>\n

Buster and I\u2019s goal is to purchase at least one thing from each section of this wishlist before the end of the year. Most items on this list are under $70, I think it can be done!<\/p>\n

More Buttplugs<\/h5>\n
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Image from Peepshow Toys<\/a>. A promo picture of a yellow butt plug with a heart-shaped base that says “Spank Me,” and its clear box.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We actually have three already (Buster is very<\/em> fond of their Bronco from Tantus<\/a>), but I\u2019d like to expand \u2013 heh \u2013 our anal experiences. I\u2019m a perpetual beginner when it comes to anal toys, so my preferences remain firmly around the 1-inch girth mark; Buster has a\u00a0greedier ass than mine. I\u2019m particularly interested in finding a plug that I can comfortably wear while I\u2019m writing at the table or lounging around binge-watching tv shows. While I\u2019m almost always thinking about sex, my body doesn\u2019t always take the hint, and wearing a plug might help clue my junk into the fact that I wanna get busy later.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d love to try the Tru Butt Plug Truskyn<\/a>, the Spank Me Naughty Candy Heart<\/a>, and the Icicles Black Glass Rose<\/a>. Buster has their eyes on the Firefly Glow in the Dark Glass Plug<\/a>, the Tantus Ringo<\/a>, and the Dr Joel Kaplan Inflatable Plug<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Bondage Cuffs<\/h5>\n

I\u2019ve been tying Buster up with scarves, sashes, and rolled-up tanktops for as long as we\u2019ve been together. We\u2019ve even had a few pairs of Dollar Tree handcuffs. Last year, we bought a bondage set from Amazon (which is the last place you should be buying sex toys from, due to the lack of quality control.) It was the set that really hammered home how badly I wanted proper bondage cuffs. They look great on Buster\u2019s wrists and ankles, and being able to clip them together with a short chain makes bondage fast and tidy \u2013 and they\u2019re relatively easy to get Buster out of after the session is over. I really like wearing them myself, because I can keep them on while I come back from subspace as a way to stay physically connected to the scene until I\u2019m ready<\/em> to leave it.<\/p>\n

Some cuffs we\u2019re eyeing include the\u00a0Patent Leather Wrist Bow Restraint<\/a>, the Mr S Leather Essential Wrist Restraints<\/a>, these\u00a0Tom of Finland Locking Neoprene Cuffs<\/a>, and these\u00a0Wrist Restraints with Heart Inlay<\/a>.\u00a0There are quite a few much more expensive sets I\u2019d like (especially on Etsy), but I wanted to keep this list budget-friendly for myself!<\/p>\n

Rope<\/h5>\n

Lately I\u2019ve been devouring the rope tutorials available from Twisted Monk<\/a> and Watts the Safeword<\/a>. I\u2019ve always loved the aesthetics of rope, and the budget-minded part of me loves the near-endless possibilities that a few lengths of rope provides for bondage. We\u2019ve had cheap rope that probably wasn\u2019t ideal for skin in the past, but never did much with it because I didn\u2019t have access to guides explaining how the hell to use it. Now that I\u2019ve found a wellspring, I\u2019m ready to jump in myself.<\/p>\n

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A gif of Amp and Mr Kristopher from the Youtube channel Watts the Safeword<\/a>. They’re showing off Amp’s rope work.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019m especially excited for The Robust Kit<\/a> and Tantus Nylon Rope<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Impact Toys<\/h5>\n

Way back in our baby queer years, Buster and I had a boyfriend who brought a flogger with him when he moved in; when he moved out a few (very toxic) months later, the flogger stayed behind. I love working a good spanking or a mild beating into scenes, so it\u2019s always been a bit of a tragedy that I\u2019ve only had an ex\u2019s flogger and pervertibles to work with. Crops attract me the most, but I\u2019d also like to get Buster\u2019s backside with pretty wooden or silicone paddles and leather straps.<\/p>\n

Impact toys can get pricey. Some gorgeous picks that won\u2019t take more than a month to up save for include the Blue Devil Leather Flogger<\/a>, this Slapper Crop<\/a>, the Tantus Wham Bam<\/a>, the Carbon Fiber Pain Stick<\/a>,\u00a0Daddy’s Belt<\/a>, and this gorgeous Peony Engraved Wooden Spanking Paddle<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Eletrostim Toys<\/h5>\n

The first paid-for porn I ever watched was WiredPussy (now called Electrosluts, I believe); Buster got me a subscription for my 18th birthday. Princess Donna terrified me and inspired me in equal measures and helped shaped a lot of my sexual tastes. Luckily I\u2019ve been wise enough not to try DIY eletrostim (I occasionally refuse to unplug appliances myself because I just know<\/em> I\u2019ll somehow get shocked), but I\u2019ve had plenty of fantasies about tying Buster up and torturing them with a Hitachi and something crackly. This year I really want to make a decade of daydreaming a reality.<\/p>\n

We have already tried the Kink Stinger Electro-Play Wand\u00a0(provided by SheVibe and reviewed here<\/a>.) I want to move on to the Kinklab Neon Wand<\/a>. It\u2019s an investment, but I think it\u2019ll be worth it. I would also love to try the Hello Touch Fingertip Wearables<\/a>!<\/p>\n

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A picture of Kit Fisto from Star Wars, shirtless and grinning. He’s a green-skinned amphibian-esque alien with head tentacles. Source<\/a>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Monster Dildos<\/h5>\n

I was into anime for a number of years. Tentacle porn was definitely<\/em> my thing for awhile. I\u00a0don\u2019t watch much anime these days (hentai or otherwise) but my love of weird, monstery appendages slithering their way into human orifices has found a new home in fandoms like Star Wars. I\u2019ve never liked realistic dildos (shaping is fine, but I draw the line at skin tones, veins, and detailed balls) so monster dicks \u2013 with their vibrant colors, bizarre shapes and textures, and often imposing sizing \u2013 have consistently drawn my eye since I discovered indie dildo-slingers. Since they\u2019re not going in me<\/em> and Buster has a pretty accommodating vag, the possibilities are nearly limitless.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s actually a bit hard to list specific monster dildos because most makers sell one-of-a-kind pieces on Etsy; linking to a particular listing will just result in dead links as toys sell out. Shops I\u2019m lusting over include Lovecrafters Toys<\/a>, Xeno Cat Artifacts<\/a>, Fck Buddies<\/a>, and Fantasticocks<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Image from The Stockroom<\/a>. A picture of a lockable steel collar lined with black and its matching leash.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Collars<\/h5>\n

When I was in high school (the aforementioned anime era), a lot of my friends wore nylon dog collars to school. I was a late bloomer, but one of the few times I can recall feeling a surge of lust as a teenager was when a male friend of mine took his collar off and let me wear it for a few minutes. It was warm from his skin and both foreign and comforting around my neck. I\u2019ve loved collars ever since. We\u2019ve had a few actual<\/em> dog collars over the years (including a few I recently grabbed on ebay), but I\u2019d like to invest a little more and buy some quality collars intended for human use.<\/p>\n

Some choices Buster and I are both lusting over that will not break the bank are the Steel Band Collar with Leash<\/a>, Tom of Finland Neoprene Collar<\/a>, Quick-Pull Choke Collar<\/a>, and quite a few pieces on Etsy from shops like\u00a0Oddo Leather\u00a0<\/a>and\u00a0Oxyd Creations<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Masks\/Muzzles<\/h5>\n

Buster loves<\/em> Bucky Barnes. They\u2019ve been wanting a mask\/muzzle that has similar shaping to Bucky\u2019s Winter Soldier mask since the trailer<\/em> for CATWS dropped; in the last shot, Bucky turns and catches Cap\u2019s shield, eyes dark-lined and glaring, his lower face hidden by a form-fitting mask. It\u2019s such a sexy<\/em> visual. I can\u2019t wait to have only Buster\u2019s eyes visible while I work them over, watching their expression shift, their eyebrows furrowing with pleasure or pain… There\u2019s lots of roleplaying to be had when we have one of our own.<\/p>\n

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A Captain America: the Winter Soldier gif of Captain America throwing his shield at an unknown enemy on the roof; the figure catches it with startling ease in a metal fist and turns, glaring.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\/r\/Sextoys<\/a> helped us find our number one pick, Mr S Leather’s Mercenary Muzzle<\/a>. (Thanks Reddit!) There are others on our list (like the Lektor Zipper Mouth Muzzle<\/a>), but there is no way<\/em> Buster is letting me get any of them before this one.<\/p>\n

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Image from SheVibe<\/a>. A promo image of the Joque Harness by SquarePants. A black strap-on harness with a thick belt, nylon-looking underwear, and two straps.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Strap-On Harnesses<\/h5>\n

In my Three Lessons Learned<\/a> piece, I wrote about abandoning Buster and I\u2019s first strap-on pretty quickly due to improper sizing and having absolutely no idea how to use it. Despite both of us wanting a proper harness, that initial experience \u2013 and the steep pricing of quality harnesses \u2013 has kept us from really<\/em> trying again. But I don\u2019t want to let shame and ignorance stop me from affirming myself in both sexual desire and gender with a harness, nor from enjoying this sex act and reminding myself it\u2019s something that my fat, nonbinary body deserves too.<\/p>\n

While we do have one harness on the way (thanks, Peepshow Toys!) I would like to find a perfect match and that will likely take some exploring. The more budget-friendly harnesses Buster and I want are Packer Gear Black Boxer Briefs<\/a>, Red Lace Corsette Strap-On<\/a>; pricier harnesses like the SquarePants Joque<\/a> and SquarePants Tomboi Briefs<\/a> are unironic #Goals.<\/p>\n

Masturbation Sleeves<\/h5>\n

Buster generally occupies a more masculine portion of the nonbinary spectrum than I do, and one of the ways they enjoy affirming themselves is through sex toys that pleasure vulvas in nontraditional ways. Pressure wave style toys like our Satisfyer Pro Penguin 2<\/a> have been great for this! But now we\u2019d like to try more intentionally transmasc-oriented toys like strokers. Buster isn\u2019t medically transitioning (and as of yet has no intentions to ever do so), so options are pretty limited since most sleeve-style masturbators for transmasc folks are for those who have experienced growth on testosterone or through a metoidioplasty.<\/p>\n

At the moment, though, there are two strokers within our budget that I\u2019d like to try: the Buck Off Kiss-X and the Fascination Sleeve<\/a>!<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve said before, it\u2019s hard to put your sex life at the top of your spending budget (if you\u2019ve even got the financial wiggle room to<\/em> budget.) It took us years of talking<\/em> about filling up our toy box to actually get around to starting. But the investment\u2019s already paying itself off: we\u2019re having better sex and we\u2019re having it more often, I feel more adventurous in what I\u2019m willing to ask for sexually, and I feel closer to Buster than I have in a long time. So while I feel nagging shame and greed over much of this list \u2013 who needs more than one butt plug, who the hell spends $60 on a spanking implement, etc \u2013 I know that it\u2019s just internalized stigma that needs tackling. Who needs more than one butt plug? I do. Who the hell spends $60 on a spanking implement? Some time later this year, me. I\u2019m worth it. My sex life is worth it.<\/p>\n

Affiliate links were used throughout this post for select retailers.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Buster and I are a few months into this year’s commitment to prioritize our sex life, and already our toy drawer has more dildos and vibrators in it than we’ve owned in the prior 13 years of our relationship! It’s still a modest collection compared […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":437,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[859,41,486,721,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-413","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-toy-deep-dives","category-link-lists-more","category-adventures-in-blogging","category-sex-toys","category-regular-features"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t