{"id":370,"date":"2018-03-06T21:02:46","date_gmt":"2018-03-06T21:02:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/?p=370"},"modified":"2019-05-21T21:43:39","modified_gmt":"2019-05-21T21:43:39","slug":"review-tulip-mini-vibrator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bettybutch.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/06\/review-tulip-mini-vibrator\/","title":{"rendered":"Review: Tulip Mini Vibrator by Vibratex"},"content":{"rendered":"
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A closeup of a purple and white flower-like vibrator standing upright with light blue cloth and a mirror behind it.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019m going to be honest. I bought this vibrator because it looks weird as fuck. If you\u2019re reading this review, it\u2019s probably<\/em> for the same reason.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s just something strangely enchanting about a product that stands out from its siblings, a glaring eye-catcher that\u2019s likely both more of a hassle and significantly less useful than its competitors.<\/p>\n

A product that dares to look stupid and<\/em> suck.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve talked about<\/a> budget-induced anxiety when it comes to sex toy shopping before; the Tulip Mini Vibrator by Vibratex is the result of such panic. I couldn\u2019t make my mind up on what cheap vibrator would be good<\/em>, so I went with what cheap vibrator would be fun<\/em> \u2013 and so the Tulip became mine!<\/p>\n

I was actually a bit surprised by how things went. The Vibratex Tulip is a deceptive little fellow \u2013 it looks funny and vaguely cute, but it works best as a torture device.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Tulip is 6 inches long, made of smooth ABS plastic and sleek silicone. It has three tiny legs on its rounded base so that it can stay standing \u2013 which is amazing<\/em>, because it looks even goofier propped up on its own. It honestly looks like a toy designer said to themselves, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019d like to fuck a Pikmin. Except, it\u2019s gotta have three legs and a tulip for its head flower. Yeah<\/em>.\u201d And then design logic crept in and they had to scale the concept back into something that was a little more modest but still maintained the essence of the original concept. And, look, I\u2019m not kinkshaming \u2013 I bought the thing, so I\u2019m obviously a kindred soul in some<\/em> capacity.<\/p>\n

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A picture of three video game characters: Pikmin. They’re small creatures with stubby legs, beady eyes, and a flower growing out of their head. Source<\/a>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The head is\u2026 weird. Weirder than I expected, even. The white silicone accordion neck is actually just a very flexible sleeve; presumably,\u00a0it\u2019s housing wires to bring power to the center silicone nub in the head. And for some reason that I can\u2019t figure out, the neck glows bright purple when in use. Just<\/em> the neck. (And before you suggest it \u2013 the light isn\u2019t to let you know the vibe is on. There\u2019s already a small blue light that glows between the buttons to tell you that.) The head is a firm magenta nub surrounded by rigid but pliable white silicone petals. The petals bend easily, but snap back into place when you\u2019re no longer holding them. The silicone is all silky soft, and while it doesn\u2019t attract as much dust as other silicone toys I have, I\u2019ve definitely noticed a bit of lint\/dust that needs rinsing every time I use it.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not the hardest<\/em> toy to clean, but it\u2019s not a quick soap and rinse either. A tooth brush is definitely necessary to keep the space between the petals and the rubby nub clean. The neck\u2019s accordion texturing requires a bit of extra scrub love too. And as with most toys that are made of both plastic and silicone, there\u2019s a seam between the two materials that will inevitably collect gunk if you don\u2019t use firm bristles or a fingernail to keep it clean. Since it\u2019s not waterproof, dunking it in your sink in frustration is only an option if you plan on flapping it lifelessly on your junk during future uses.<\/p>\n

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The Tulip Vibrator laying on its side on light blue cloth with a mirror in the background. There are dust bits on its purple base.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The Tulip is battery operated and needs two triple-A\u2019s. The base screws open with ease, especially when there\u2019s already batteries inside it. Screwing the cap back shut takes a little more finessing (doesn\u2019t it always?), though if you have better vision than I do there\u2019s minuscule etchings on the seam that indicate where you should slide and click. I honestly forget they\u2019re there.<\/p>\n

Now on to the good stuff!<\/p>\n

My favorite aspect of the Tulip is that despite being a budget vibrator, it has two buttons<\/em>. Which means you switch it on\/off with one button, and you change its settings with the other button. If you\u2019re a stranger to cheap-o vibes, then allow me to clarify: most vibrators that won\u2019t punch your wallet and steals its lunch money only have one button, forcing you to hold it for several seconds to turn the damn thing off. The Tulip clicks right off with one quick press of its soft little power button. Easy to hide your Pikmin-humping proclivities from intruding roommates, children, and kinkshamers.<\/p>\n

Which is good, because despite promising to be \u201cultra-quiet,\u201d this little fellow does\u00a0hum<\/em>. The first setting is the fabled whisper quiet so coveted by luxury vibes, but the second starts up a soft rattling buzz, and the third is cheap-electric-toothbrush-with-a-loose-piece loud. A comfy blanket can disguise the second setting with ease, and my go-to duo of a blanket and small fan on low drown out the third.<\/p>\n

And these three consistent power settings are\u2026 not bad! Enough to get me off on the third setting. My junk is not very discerning (have I mentioned Hey Epiphora\u2019s NSFW jingle<\/a> is one of my favorite echolalia things<\/a> lately?) so I hesitate to guess the Tulip\u2019s vibrations on the buzzy-to-rumbly spectrum, especially with the additive of the petals (which we\u2019ll get to in a minute.) Since I feel obligated to try, I\u2019d say they\u2019re on the buzz end of the scale, especially given how weirdly the vibrations travel from toy to flesh anyway. Because the neck is empty and can be bent over completely, if you want to experience the vibrations firmly, you have to hold the head itself, and with everything going on with its shape, it\u2019s really hard to process what the vibrations are like besides \u201cgood enough\u201d and a bit of \u201cow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because, as I said \u2013 this thing works best as a torture device, and not even in the sarcastic \u201cthis thing sucks\u201d way. I hated this toy the first five times I used it because the petals felt pinchy. When the toy is on, they buzz too. My labia is thick so I have to spread myself to sit this goofy thing on my clit, and even then, it doesn\u2019t work for me the way I imagined. The petals don\u2019t tease my clit as I rub the nub over it. My clit isn\u2019t big enough and the petals are too far apart for things to go that way. Instead, the Tulip works best when I utilize its flexible neck and rub and twirl its entire head over my clit, taking the pain of the petals smacking and dragging and stabbing. It\u2019s alien and it hurts. And today, with me in a rare legitimately masochistic mood, it worked like a charm. A mean, pinchy charm.<\/p>\n

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A purple and white flower-like vibrator standing upright with blue cloth and a mirror in the background.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I almost wish I was also seeing someone with a penis to see if this thing\u2019s capacity for torture is universal. I imagine it is, especially if you\u2019re sensitive.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to guess the market for this is very limited. It can function okay as a regular little vibe if you hold the petals together and just buzz it against your clit (especially if you like your power sitting beside<\/em> your clit instead of directly on it) but there are better vibrators in the same price range for that. Like the Doodle vibe from the Big Oh! Box<\/a>, the Tulip can be used for sensory play away from the genitals, but for that I\u2019d actually recommend the Doodle instead. I honestly think this little fellow works best as a nasty tease for a sub that\u2019s interested in enduring some ouch<\/em> with their ooh<\/em>. Flicking just the petal tips black and forth, trapping a clit between them, or swirling the head rapidly are all cruel and oddly satisfying if your junk is up for it.<\/p>\n

And if you really<\/em> wanna be a meanie, you can switch to any of the three patterns that follow the steady settings. Not because they\u2019re any good, but because they\u2019re useless and frustrating. Just don\u2019t do it if your sub has a medical sensitivity to light, because just like with the Noje Wand<\/a>, the Tulip\u2019s light flashes rapidly with patterns. For some reason.<\/p>\n

If you want a weird as all fuckin\u2019 heck vibrator that will take up space in your toy box and only be used when the planets align, you can get the Vibratex Tulip from SheVibe<\/a>. I don\u2019t really recommend it.<\/p>\n

I bought this thing with my own money. Affiliate links were used in this post.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m going to be honest. I bought this vibrator because it looks weird as fuck. If you’re reading this review, it’s probably for the same reason. There’s just something strangely enchanting about a product that stands out from its siblings, a glaring eye-catcher that’s likely […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":372,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[12,14,721,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-external-toys","category-vibrators-external-toys","category-sex-toys","category-reviews"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t