![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/giphy-2.gif\")
You can\u2019t sort people\u2019s pleasure into two categories. Even if you\u2019re intentionally ignoring trans folks (and fuck you if you are), limiting certain toys to just \u201cmale\u201d or \u201cfemale\u201d use is ridiculous. People of varying genital configurations masturbate with all manner of bizarre household objects. Think about it<\/em>. You\u2019ve seen those headtilt-inducing lists on Buzzfeed. So telling someone with a penis that a bullet vibe<\/em> isn\u2019t meant for them is nonsense. If you don\u2019t want them to assume they can put it in their butt, just put \u201cnot anal safe<\/em>\u201d in the description. Besides, people with vaginas need to be told that too \u2013 they also<\/em> have butts they can unthinkingly stuff with things that don\u2019t have flared bases.<\/p>\n Notice how those last three sentences didn\u2019t slap a gender on toys or<\/em> anatomy? See how easy<\/em> that was?<\/p>\n Okay, maybe you don\u2019t mean<\/em> to needlessly gender your shop. Maybe you\u2019ve never thought about it before. Maybe you just don\u2019t know where to start. Maybe you already have five tabs open on your browser and two of them are, like, really funny<\/em> cat videos you haven\u2019t watched yet, so you can\u2019t<\/em> open another tab to use google. That\u2019s fine. I get it.<\/p>\n I\u2019m going to give you 5 Ways to Make Your Sex Shop More Gender Inclusive<\/strong>, so you can stop doing this shit<\/em>.<\/p>\n This first step is the longest, so pause that Can\u2019t Hug Every Cat<\/a> remix, grab a bag of Doritos, and let\u2019s get into it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Not too long ago, there was an internet kerfuffle about Lady Doritos, the idea of doritos marketed for women because the crunch is less noisy and there\u2019s less cheesy residue. People were rightfully pissed. Women are expected to shut up and be pleasingly tidy even when they\u2019re eating a fucking snack<\/em>? Ridiculous.<\/p>\n But I see dildos categorized as \u201cwomen\u2019s toys\u201d on plenty of sites. I see toys for penises sorted under \u201cmale masturbators.\u201d This labeling also<\/em> tells a woman what she should be and what she should buy. She should be cisgender (identifying as the gender assigned at birth), and she should buy penetrative toys. Ridiculous.<\/p>\n There are plenty of women with penises. And men with vaginas. And nonbinary (identifying outside of the man\/woman binary) folks with all kinds of junk. And intersex folks of various gender identities whose junk is sometimes atypical. And folks of various genders whose junk is atypical due various medical conditions. There are cis men who enjoy wand vibrators, and trans women who enjoy penis sleeves, and nonbinary folks who use strap-ons on cis partners and vice versa, and intersex folks who enjoy packers.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t know what your customer\u2019s identity and pronouns are. You don\u2019t know what your customer\u2019s junk looks like. Why do you think you know what they want to buy? Gendered categories tell customers who you think<\/em> they should be, and what you think<\/em> they should spend their money on.\u00a0It preemptively univites anyone who does not fit that narrative.<\/strong> And that\u2019s just as fucking ridiculous as lady doritos<\/em>.<\/p>\n So what can you do?<\/p>\n This is a dildo. Can this dildo be used by men? Yes! If your instinct was to say no, what you actually mean by no is that it can\u2019t be used anally because it doesn\u2019t have a flared base. Transgender men have vaginas (unless they\u2019ve had gender affirming surgery, which plenty of trans folks don\u2019t want or can\u2019t have) so they can safely use this dildo. Furthermore, trans women who don\u2019t have vaginas can\u2019t<\/em> safely use this dildo. So placing this dildo in a \u201cWomen\u2019s\u201d or \u201cFor Her\u201d category in your shop isn\u2019t actually telling customers who it\u2019s for and where it goes<\/strong>, because this dildo isn\u2019t suitable for all<\/em> women, and some<\/em> men and nonbinary people can use it too.<\/p>\n This is a cockring. Can this cockring be used by someone with she\/her pronouns, or who identifies as a woman? Yes! Trans women are women and often use she\/her pronouns, and trans women often have penises. (Though not everyone who uses she\/her pronouns is a woman, and some trans women have had gender affirming surgeries.) So why did you put this cockring in a \u201cMen\u2019s\u201d or \u201cFor Him\u201d section? Were you just trying to direct the attention of customers with certain genitals<\/strong>? Then maybe you should rename that category \u201cPenis Toys.\u201d<\/p>\n This is a prostate toy. Can this prostate toy be used by a nonbinary person? Yes! Nonbinary people use all kinds of pronouns and have all kinds of junk. Some of them have prostates, and some of them do not. They aren\u2019t men, so toys they use aren\u2019t \u201cMen\u2019s Toys,\u201d and they don\u2019t all use he\/him pronouns so their category of toys isn\u2019t \u201cFor Him\u201d either. When you use gendered language<\/strong>, you not only alienate customers who don\u2019t have the genitals you think they have, you also alienate customers who don\u2019t identify within the gender binary<\/strong>.<\/p>\n So to recap:<\/strong> Are you using pronouns or gender labels to categorize types of toys or to inform customers what genitals they\u2019re used for? You\u2019re not actually doing that! All you\u2019re doing is making gendered assumptions about your customers. Instead, try the following:<\/p>\n Even if they weren\u2019t both amazing for other reasons, SheVibe<\/a> and Peepshow Toys<\/a> would still be two of my absolute favorite online sex toy shops because of their inclusive toy categorizing. Neither of them need to use gendered language to help a customer understand their inventory.<\/p>\n SheVibe<\/a> sorts their vibrating toys by design rather than gender. This \u2013 combined with their infamously charming illustrations \u2013 helps shoppers discern if different vibrator categories are going to be generally\/theoretically\/ideally compatible with their junk.<\/p>\n Peepshow Toys<\/a> lists their butt toys according to function rather than gender. This allows people who have a prostate to look at prostate-targeting anal toys, but still leaves the category of butt toys open for all shoppers.<\/p>\n You can do this in the description, or by marking toys as safe or not safe for certain uses (like anal.) You should be doing this regardless, because there are first time and\/or uneducated shoppers browsing your store every day. Do you know how many times my partner and I have almost lost a toy up our butts because we\u2019d never even heard<\/em> about flared bases? Lots. Do you know who immediately went to Tantus and spent over $100 on toys with flared bases after we learned about them? Us. It can benefit both your eternal soul (if you believe in that sort of thing, I guess) and<\/em> your bank account to be informative for customers.<\/p>\n I have news for you, Sharon! Not all couples are a woman with a vagina and a man with a penis. Some couples are a nonbinary person with a penis and a man with a penis. Some couples are a trans man with a penis from gender affirming surgery and a woman with a vagina. Some couples are a woman with a vagina and another woman with a vagina that is atypical due to a medication condition. There are literally limitless<\/em> combinations<\/em> of genders\/genitals because people<\/em> are limitless.<\/strong> And some \u201ccouples\u201d aren\u2019t a two-person combo at all because not all people in relationships are monogamously duo\u2019d. There are a lot of people you alienate every time you make a couples category and fill it with nothing but vibrating rings for straight cis couples.<\/p>\n All sex toys can be used as a \u201ccouple\u2019s toy.\u201d Penis-in-vagina sex is not the entire sexual experience even for straight cis couples<\/em>, so limiting the scope of what toys are worthy of use with a partner to \u201cthings that can be used during PIV penetration\u201d is foolish. Sex shops should seek to dismantle this unnecessary categorizing, both for their shoppers\u2019 benefit and their own: if you expand a person\u2019s perception of what kinds of toys they can use for partnered sex, you expand a person\u2019s shopping list.<\/p>\n If you won\u2019t redistribute your couples\u2019 category entirely, at least<\/em> consider adding toys that suit different kinds<\/em> of couples. Strap-ons (including ones that accommodate penises), double-ended dildos, safe sex including dental dams, etc. Don\u2019t overcompensate by making a \u201cGay Couples Toys\u201d section either, or you\u2019ll embarrass yourself, like Lovehoney\u2019s truly ridiculously named \u201cGay Ass Toys\u201d section. (Sex toys don\u2019t have a sexual orientation either, Sharon. They\u2019re inanimate objects.) To be polyam-inclusive, consider taking after Peepshow Toys<\/a>\u2019 wonderfully named \u201cPlays Well With Others\u201d section, which both eliminates the assumption of two users and<\/em> lets queer couples know it\u2019s probably not just centered on straight cis couples like they\u2019ve seen under Couples on a hundred other sites.<\/p>\n While removing gendered categories from your store is a great first<\/em> step, if that\u2019s all<\/em> you do to make non-straight, non-cisgender customers feel welcome, you\u2019re essentially opening the door for a guest and then just standing there expectantly without saying or doing anything else. Hosting guests requires a little more effort than just inviting them to show up.<\/p>\n This step takes a lot more work and the work is continuous<\/em>. You need to look beyond your category names and direct your attention to the stock itself: are all the titles and descriptions of your items inclusive? Does that vibrator promise to \u201cgive her<\/em> the best orgasm she\u2019s ever had\u201d? Does that penis pump claim it\u2019ll \u201ckeep him<\/em> rock-hard\u201d? We\u2019ve been over this already, Sharon! And even if it was the manufacturer\u2019s suggestion to use those descriptions, this is your<\/em> store and these are your<\/em> customers. Which means it\u2019s your<\/em> responsibility to do right by them. Take the time to change the captions on all your items.<\/p>\n And then get your blog and social media shit together, Sharon, it\u2019s 2018. You can do better than sharing sexist, heteronormative Facebook memes about steak and blowjobs.<\/p>\n Stop sending me emails telling me you have something new to help me please my man. My \u201cman\u201d has no use for your cock and ball toys, and also, I don\u2019t need \u201chelp\u201d and you don\u2019t need to prey on feelings of inadequacy and obligation to sell products. Stop only tweeting pictures of white straight cis couples in bed with captions like \u201ctry something new in your relationship!\u201d I\u2019ve already tried pretending to be straight and cis and it sucked<\/em>, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s gonna do anything for my relationship. Oh, the thing you wanted me to try was a new toy? Well why didn\u2019t you just\u00a0show me the toy<\/em>?<\/p>\n So how can you do better going forward?<\/p>\n Whether it\u2019s the inclusion of pronouns to talk about the user or the use of phrases like \u201cwomen love vibrations,\u201d gendered language serves no purpose in describing a sex toy, just like gendered language fails to actually tell customers where a toy goes and how it\u2019s used.<\/p>\n Include queer and trans people in your marketing. You probably already center on straight cis people without even realizing. Look at your recent posts and see where you could have purposefully changed your phrasing to talk about a queer couple instead. Next time, do that<\/em>. And keep doing it as often as you reference straight people.<\/li>\n Do you remember the Lady Doritos we talked about at the beginning of all this? How it was very obviously obnoxious and sexist to market some chips as being just for women, especially when their only women-appealing traits seemed to be that they could help women be extra quiet and clean compared to noisy, messy chip-munching men? Believe it or not, Sharon, lots of customers feel the same disdain for bright pink vibrators and gunmetal masturbators. There\u2019s nothing necessarily wrong<\/em> with pink vibrators and gunmetal masturbators, just like there\u2019s nothing necessarily wrong with quieter, cleaner chips \u2013 but there is<\/em> something wrong with assuming the best way to market something is to fall back on cisgender-targeting, capitalism-fabricated bullshit like flowers and uuuuuniiiiiicorns~<\/em> for ladies and objectified boobies and STEELANDPAIN<\/em> for dudes.<\/p>\n As we\u2019ve previously discussed, you don\u2019t know the gender identities of the customers buying your toys \u2013 but even if you did<\/em>, that doesn\u2019t tell you anything else about them, like their aesthetic preferences. If I could buy every toy in mint, neon green, or yellow, I\u2019d be a happy camper; instead, I\u2019m often only offered pink, purple, and (maybe) bright blue. There are so many design elements of a toy that also wind up unnecessarily gendered \u2013 yes, pink polka dots and heart-shaped bases aren\u2019t only<\/em> \u201cfor girls,\u201d but I highly doubt<\/em> most manufacturers have gender equality and pink-loving folks who aren\u2019t<\/em> cis women in mind when they\u2019re producing the bajillionth pink dong on the market.<\/p>\n And damn, do manufacturers overall not give a shit. A vast majority of packaging I see features either a cis woman or a straight cis couple; I\u2019ve purchased gags<\/em> that prominently featured a straight cis couple on the box. Gags! The things that go in your mouth<\/em>. Any mouth. Of any person of any gender of any sexuality. Why are straight cis people being used to market a gag<\/em>? If it\u2019s not roses (or the more millennial-hip daisies<\/em>), it\u2019s generic storebrand Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele looking rich and white and photoshopped like blandly kinky After photos.<\/p>\n Demand better from the manufacturers you work with. Let them know you\u2019d like packaging that doesn\u2019t sell being white, thin, able, cisgender, and straight more than it sells the toy that\u2019s in<\/em> the box.<\/strong> Let them know you\u2019re interested in carrying some toys outside of the pink\/purple and black\/grey color model. But also<\/em> let them know you want pink cockrings with bows and masturbation sleeves with heart-shaped bases, dark blue dildos in non-phallic shapes and g-spot targeting vibrators in black and grey. Demand more promotional pictures that feature diverse models and include queer couples.<\/p>\n And in the mean time, try to diversify your shelves with toys and packaging that are gender-neutral<\/strong>. There are plenty out there. Learn to notice<\/em> them, and then give them prime placement and promotion in your store and on social media so that your customers can notice them too. Let the manufacturers of these toys know that part of the reason you\u2019ve chosen to stock them is their gender-neutral approach. Subtweet other manufacturers on social media by making posts like \u201clooking for something besides pink? this toy might be for you!\u201d when promoting gender neutral products. Make being as gender-neutral as possible part of your brand<\/em>.<\/p>\n In addition to stocking toys that are neutral, bulk up your selection of gender expression \/ gender-affirming products<\/strong>. Packers, breast forms, ejaculating dildos, padding wear, dilators, gaffs, binders, strap-ons that aren\u2019t femininely styled, lingerie that accommodates penises and flat chests, masculine wear that accommodates pronounced chests, masturbation sleeves for trans men and nonbinary folks<\/strong>, etc. If you sell merch like patches, pins, t-shirts, bags, whatever, consider carrying trans and queer inclusive designs and messages. Promote these products! Put them on sale sometimes! Look for trans bloggers and social media influencers to do mutually promotional giveaways so you can get the word out that you carry these products and want trans customers!<\/p>\n Which brings me to our last step\u2026<\/p>\n Sponsor posts on their<\/em> blog. Pay them to write for your<\/em> blog. Invite them to join your affiliate program. Ask if they\u2019d like to be sent sex toys to review. Hire them to do your social media. Suggest doing a giveaway together. Hire them to model your products. Support their businesses. Buy their products to carry in your stores.\u00a0Reach out to them, don\u2019t wait for them to come to you<\/em>. This industry spends its time either ignoring and erasing trans people, or fetishizing and\/or mocking them. Let them know <\/em>you<\/strong> value them.<\/strong> Reach. Out. To. Them.<\/em><\/p>\n But also don\u2019t make your entire working relationship with them all about their transness. And don\u2019t only<\/em> offer them writing work that\u2019s focused on gender and\/or sexuality, value their perspective on other topics too! Don\u2019t make a big deal out of working with your \u201cfirst\u201d trans affiliate. Don\u2019t suggest toys for them to review based on what you perceive trans people play with \u2013 even if they\u2019re an openly transgender woman, you know nothing<\/em> about their genitals, preferences, or partner(s). And don\u2019t work with just one trans person and call it good \u2013 our perspectives, talents, and opinions are as varied as our cisgender peers.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/giphy-1.gif\")
STEP ONE:<\/strong><\/h2>\n
GET RID OF GENDERED CATEGORIES.<\/em><\/h3>\n
Think about what you\u2019re actually trying to communicate.<\/h5>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Candy-Glass-Dildo-300x187.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/cock-ring-300x296.jpg\")
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Take out pronouns.<\/h5>\n
\n
Take out genders.<\/h5>\n
\n
Take a hint from shops that are already inclusive.<\/h5>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/shevibevibrators-300x285.png\")
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If you\u2019re afraid customers might misunderstand a toy\u2019s use, tell them how it\u2019s used<\/em>.<\/h5>\n
STEP TWO:<\/h2>\n
REMOVE (OR MODIFY) “COUPLES” CATEGORIES THAT CENTER ON STRAIGHT, CISGENDER PEOPLE.<\/h3>\n
STEP THREE:<\/h2>\n
Change the language of your products and your promotions.<\/h3>\n
Remove gendered language everywhere in your store<\/em>, not just the category names.<\/h5>\n
Diversify your images.<\/h5>\n
\n
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Diversify your messages<\/em>.<\/h5>\n
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![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/comeasyouare-223x300.png\")
STEP FOUR:<\/h2>\n
Carry more products with gender-neutral designs and packaging, and carry gender affirmation products.<\/h3>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bettybutch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/lady-doritos-300x169.jpg\")
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STEP FIVE:<\/h2>\n
WORK WITH TRANS PEOPLE AND PAY THEM<\/em>, SHARON.<\/h3>\n