Frankenstein was published 200 years ago this year. But while its cultural importance and influence can’t be overstated, I have to confess – I’ve never finished Mary Shelley’s book. Nor have I watched the entirety of the 1931 film or any of its many remakes. While I understand that negligence and tragedy is core to its greater significance, my fragile soul can’t shoulder the futility of it all. I don’t want to ponder the nature of responsibility, the limits – particularly self-imposed – of science, and the implications both hold for humanity’s future. Maybe I just want to fuck the monster.

Enter (via heavy-footed shuffling) Frank’s Monster, the perfect foil to any guilt-induced moral ponderings about the nature of humankind. Dr Frankenstein, in all his arrogance, couldn’t dream of besting God like this.

But unlike Dr Frankenstein, the folks behind Lust Arts are genuinely wonderful and their work is made with passion and flair rather than vile eccentricity. If you’ve read anyone else’s review of one of their products, you’ve likely already read that they’re kind, communicative, and invested in their craft. They’re not so much mad scientists as they are friendly neighbors with especially mythical and grotesque tastes in fantasy fuckery. And I? Am here for it.

There’s something uniquely illicit about holding a frighteningly detailed monster cock. Sex toys are still regarded as taboo in American culture (minus the occasional millennial-aimed sitcom), so having one fashioned after monstrous genitals feels like embracing the exaggerated caricature naysayers have in their minds when they shame folks for pursuing pleasure.

When Lust Arts asked which toy from their body-safe silicone collection I would like to review, there was no doubt in my mind that it was going to be a Frank’s Monster. (Buster would have incited a riot if I’d picked something else.) As haunting as the tale it’s drawn from, Frank’s Monster is both appalling and enticing, and I’m super into this kind of weird shit.

Frank’s Monster is hideously well-detailed. I’ve never seen such a beautifully intricate sculpt in person. Its fat, curved shaft is lined with shallow ravines of parted flesh, thick stitching giving the illusion of haphazardly assembled skin. This illusion is further enhanced by the unevenness of the ripple-ridged flesh, which bubbles out on one side towards the Monster’s base because the stitching appears to have been pulled loose or gone unfinished. The mushroomed head is particularly grotesque, its shape appearing mangled by the reconstruction process. Growths – moles? boils? – can be spied in several places on the shaft, and the hefty balls are textured with skin bumps. The Monster is gloriously ugly, and it’s clear it was designed with love for the classic.

But though it looks like a cobbled monstrosity, the Monster is a solid piece; its patchy surface is exaggerated by cleverly applied pigment to make the lines appear deeper. This is especially apparent on solid-colored versions of the toy, which lack the black-shaded depthiness. There’s also nothing sharp or scratchy about its texturing.

Like all of their creations, Frank’s Monster can come in any color (including combinations) from the (currently) 18 shades listed, but Lust Arts also offers three house specialty styles for each toy that best reflects their artistic vision. In the Monster’s case, these three styles are Monster Green, Morbid Orchid, and Classic Film. We chose the latter, due to Buster’s love of the genre and how well the black and white showed off the toy’s details.

Lust Arts offers all of their toys in a variety of aptly-named sizes. Our Frank’s Monster was made in the Pleaser dimensions, which – for the Monster – is 5.6 inches in length and a max width of 1.9 inches. The specifics of each size (from Teaser to Screamer) vary between toys because they’re all shaped so differently, but Lust Arts has in-depth size charts for each toy that even specify the head/tip width so folks who like a gradual stretch from their toys know what to look forward to. I love this thorough touch!

In addition to color and size, Lust Arts allows you to choose the rigidity of your toy – including the option to make it dual density, the holy grail of dildo customization. Whether you like your toys soft and squishy, firm and unyielding, somewhere in between, or a hybrid of two points in that range, Lust Arts can give it to you. Dual density toys with soft-over-medium density can provide a ‘realer’ feel, for those looking for a penis dupe – or they can instead enhance the toy’s texture if you elect a firmer-surface/softer-centered toy.

We went with a dual density Monster, choosing medium firmness for the center to keep the toy upright and somewhat stiff but still bendable, and soft for the outside for some comfortable surface squish. Due to the nature of silicone, soft and super soft finishes have a vaguely sticky feel to them, which makes them more of a lint-magnet; but like all silicone toys, lube makes all the difference! Our soft-surfaced Frank’s Monster glides thick and easy with our favorite Sliquid lubes (and Lust Arts sends along a sample packet of Sliquid Sassy, for the uninitiated.)

So to recap, our Frank’s Monster was made in the size Pleaser, and we chose a soft density outside with a medium density core. These are the attributes I’ll be reviewing, so if you think you might be interested in a Frank’s Monster fashioned in another sizing or firmness, bear in mind the resulting toy will be different from mine!

Frank’s Monster is a deceptively stubby dildo. Its girth is disguised by its short stature and gradual g/p-spotting curve, until you turn it for a better look at its broad backside. Because the Monster’s head is smaller than its shaft, the toy provides a gradual stretch as you insert it, settling into satisfying fullness at the base. The curve isn’t especially obvious during insertion, but when actively thrusting the toy it definitely provides noticeable (but mild) pressure on the urethral sponge (where the g-spot resides.) The density we chose likely diminishes the sloped shaft’s potential for firm pressure; lovers of intense g/p-spot stimulation may want to instead opt for a firmer core.

Only 5 inches of our Monster’s height is insertable; the remaining 0.6 is occupied by its bulbous balls. Buster has mentioned wishing for just one more inch of usable length, as it would make slow thrusts all the more incredible to enjoy, but your mileage may vary!

The Monster’s head is the same density as the rest of the dildo (as opposed to being squishier like the dual density Vixskin Mustang from Vixen Creations) which makes it fun to pop in and out. We’re pretty happy with our soft-over-medium density choice, as it provides a filling stretch but doesn’t just rigidly spear Buster open; it has give. When Buster just holds it in and rocks their hips, it retains its shape but moves with them, stroking their insides and providing delicious consistent pressure. And unlike other dual density toys (like Blush’s Real Nude Ergo), the soft outer layer is plush, providing ample squish over top of the denser core. Frank’s Monster is a smooth fuck in this density, even with all of its texturing and monstrous proportions.

And oh man, the texturing. Best felt when being thrust slowly and dripping with lube (a necessity for a large, oddly sized toy like this – just no silicone-based lubes!), the soft and uneven surface of the toy drags in the absolute best way. You aren’t likely to feel the intricacies of the stitching in a soft density (Buster certainly doesn’t), but I imagine even in a harder surface density, the smoothly sculpted details won’t scratch or irritate but instead feel excitingly ridged. (Again, there is nothing sharp about this dildo.) The bulge at the base where it appears the Monster’s stitching is undone is the most apparent irregular shaping when in use.

Utilizing the texture externally is a much more obviously wicked experience. The stitches and bumps are definitely noticeable, and the rippled skin is fun to glide directly over one’s clit. If you’ve already warmed Frank’s Monster up (via use or by letting it sit in a bowl of warm water), it’s doubly spooky because in combination with lube, the silicone feels distinctly skin-like. This also makes for fun blowjobs, as the stitching and scars provide extra enticement for one’s wandering tongue.

Frank’s Monster is the first dildo we’ve ever acquired that has realistic balls. (Aesthetically, anyway; they’re too dense to feel real.) This was once one of my hard no’s, as realistic shaping can stir up my gender dysphoria and distract from the experience. But Frank’s Monster is decidedly not a real penis dupe, except in alternate universes in which Buster is a mad scientist (which is a concept I don’t hate); its fantastical nature thwarts any body anxiety. The balls did provide the ability to use the Monster in our Doc Johnson Supreme Harness; it was a tight, awkward fit (and likely wouldn’t work for the next size up) but it was doable. I do wish Lust Arts included a suction cup or a proper harness base fitted beneath the balls (or, selfishly, a Vac-U-Lock hole) to make Frank’s Monster more versatile in use, but I imagine the market for strap-on users wanting to sling zombie dick is even smaller than the market for people wanting zombie dick in general. Y’all are missing out.

Caring for Frank’s Monster is easy despite the illusion of impossible-to-clean cavities. It’s definitely more of a hassle to clean than a smooth dildo – every nook gets gunky with lube and bodily fluids, and the Classic Film color scheme is good camouflage for sex residue – but it’s not impossible. With a sudsy, mild soap and some hot water, the Monster rinses clean with just a bit of extra caressing. Lust Arts includes cleaning and care instructions with every toy, for the uncertain among us.

(Your order also comes with some decorative miniatures and a bar of chocolate!)

Here is a second confession: it was really, really hard to discuss this dildo in a serious, non-erotic way. Buster is head-over-heels for this toy, nicknaming it the Stitched Sweetie and grabbing it every single time they’ve been in the mood for penetration this past month. We’re a pretty spoopy couple, so it hit all of our aesthetic buttons – but more than that, it’s a great dildo. It’s the kind of dildo that almost becomes its own experience instead of just a complimentary tool, which definitely isn’t a bad thing. Nobody in this house is threatened by awesome toys. And this is the only dildo in our collection that has ever given Buster an actual internal orgasm. At this point, just pulling it out of the drawer is enough to get the good kind of giggles going.

Can a sex toy be sexy of its own volition?

What is the nature of responsibility as it relates to creation?

Is scientific and technological advancement for its own sake inherently dangerous?

There’s only one question I have the interest or capacity to ponder, and it sure the hell isn’t the last two.

You can buy a Frank’s Monster of your own – truly of your own, right down to the size, coloring, and density – from Lust Arts. The base price is about $55 USD, with increasing sizes and complex colorings available at an additional cost. Premade Monsters (including the occasional discounted flop) are available as well.

Thank you, Lust Arts, for sending me Frank’s Monster in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links were used in this post.